What To Do!

Yes, two on Fliday!! Waiting for Connie to get here then going to lunch but this was too good to not share!!

You are driving down the road in your car on a wild, stormy night,when you pass by a bus stop and you see three people waiting for the bus:

1. An old lady who looks as if she is about to die.

2. An old friend who once saved your life.

3. The perfect partner you have been dreaming about.

Which one would you choose to offer a ride to, knowing that there could only be one passenger in your car? Think before you continue reading.

This is a moral/ethical dilemma that was once actually used as part of a job application. You could pick up the old lady, because she is going to die, and thus you should save her first. Or you could take the old friend because he once saved your life, and this would be the perfect chance to pay him back. However, you may never be able to find your perfect mate again.


YOU WON'T BELIEVE THIS.....................

The candidate who was hired (out of 200 applicants) had no trouble coming up with his answer. He simply answered: 'I would give the car keys to my old friend and let him take the lady to the hospital. I would stay behind and wait for the bus with the partner of my dreams.'

Sometimes, we gain more if we are able to give up our stubborn thought limitations.

Never forget to 'Think Outside of the Box.'

HOWEVER....The correct answer is to run the old lady over and put her out of her misery because Obama's health care won't pay for her hospital visit anyway, have sex with the perfect partner on the hood of the car, then drive off with the old friend for a few beers!

My ONE Political Comment!!

And I will let Maxine speak for me:

Let me get this straight. We're going to be gifted with a health care plan written by a committee whose chairman says he doesn't understand it, passed by a Congress that hasn't read it but exempts themselves from it, to be signed by a president who also hasn't read it and who smokes, with funding administered by a treasury chief who didn't pay his taxes, to be overseen by a surgeon general who is obese, and financed by a country that's broke.

What the hell could possibly go wrong?

Tuesday Randomness!!

Let’s see what rubbish can flow through the brain-drain today!

1. I don’t do politics. If you write about politics, chances are I won’t comment unless I have something smart-ass to say. Sorry! I is not a fart smucker in that area!

2. The sun is shining!! YEAH! Still chilly but working our way back up.

3. Last weekend was great on Friday and Saturday! Friday I worked in the yard for a bit, plucked a bunch of dead stuff, cleaned out all of the pots on the deck, and then grabbed a beer and a book and plopped in the sun. Gregg was laughing and shaking his head when he pulled up after work. I love to keep him on his toes about what I will do next! At least I didn’t have the bathing suit on!

4. Saturday was kind of low key and we went out for a bit in the evening. Sunday we were in a veggie state and I stayed in jammies all day. Made going to bed that night quite easy!

5. I actually have all of my bills paid!!! BEFORE THEY WERE DUE! Ok, I am afraid too but like Gregg, I like to keep them on their toes!

6. I got to mess with Reader’s Digest this morning! They have sent me two books WHICH I DID NOT REQUEST and then send me a bill for $60.00!! WTF??? Umm, according to the Post Office, you send me a gift, it is a GIFT! Thank you very much but here’s your sign! I told them if they wanted to send me postage, I would be happy to return them! They said never mind!

7. OHH OHHHH!!! I forgot sumpin’ important!!!! I received the cutest card in the mail last weekend from some Sassy Chick in Kentucky and I just got to say…your timing was perfect! I was feeling a little down with everything that has been going on and it was JUST WHAT I NEEDED! The perfect pick me up to start my weekend! THANK YOU!

8. There will be a Memorial for Bonnie but not sure when. I was going to pull something together but someone that has WAY MORE money than me beat me to it. This is fine. As long as there is something!

9. I only have 43 days until I go south!!! I know, shut up already but…but…I am SOOO ready!!! Some of my shopping trip last week was for that and I have a few other things I want to pick up! I don’t wear too many clothes when I am there so I don’t need much. Oh hush, we wear bathing suits and cover ups most of the time…not nekkid!

10. Ha, I made it to ten! Now I have to take the kid to school because the DAMN driver FORGOT him AGAIN!

A Missed Holiday!

First off: HAPPY BIRFDAY CHIPSTER!!!!


Ok, so we all know life is having fun at my expense but as usual, I roll with it! Bonnie dying so fast on Monday threw everyone for a loop and all we can do is roll with it. What I don’t really get tho is there is no obituary, funeral or even Memorial service. Nobody knows if that is how she wanted it or if her brothers decided it! So we have been sort of doing our own.


Gregg and I had a small spat earlier this week but all is well again!


So, what is a woman to do when life keeps throwing her shit and she has had enough?


WE GO FOR RETAIL THERAPY! Well, I do anyway!


Yesterday the temps were pushing 70 and I decided I need to get out! Got my shorts on and took off. No real plan just going. Open the sunroof on the car, crank up the radio and I went!


This is when I realize I have missed a Holiday!


IT IS NATIONAL DRIVE LIKE AN ASSHOLE DAY! How did I miss it! Was it the sun that brought out all of the people that forgot how to drive? Seriously, I am in a WHITE car, you can not not see me!! There is no snow to lose me in! I am older and have more insurance! Bring it asshats!


I stopped by Wally World to return some shorts that Andy didn’t like and then decided to hit Fashion Bug for new summer clothes. I do have that little trip coming up in 48 days, yanno!


Fight more people that just can’t seem to see those lines on the road due to blaring sun!


They had nothing so I went on to Dots. I love Dots! They have cute clothes like the itty-bitty girls wear but the same thing for us ummm…bigger girls! I got 3 new tops and was feeling good! I am leaving the parking lot and who do I see? A big white Twinkie truck!!! Yeppers, that’s my man! We meet over in the parking lot and he was running into Pet Smart to get chains so we can let the dogs out.


Now, ask me how the cream filling gets into the cupcakes! TeeHee!!!


I just heard that collective EWWWWWW!!!


Twas a great day indeed!


Came home and did a little yard stuff and decided to have BBQ ribs on the grill with homemade French fries. Fuck the diet! Ribs were so tender and the fries so crisp!! Yummmoooooooo!!!


Temp is going to 70 today and I will be back out in all day because then the rain and that nasty other four letter word are in the forecast. My poor car needs a good cleaning and I have dead flowers to pluck! I don’t have anything sprouting yet but the lot next to us has daffodils coming up!!


I hope you all have sun and warmth and get out and enjoy!!!

Ten Thought Tuesday

Not a whole lot going on lately. Just thinking I need to do some yard clean up now that all of the snow has melted but...I am too lazy right now.

1. The sun has been wonderful the last few days. Temp yesterday was 60! Glorious! Suppose to be that again today but then rain for a few days. It was nice while it lasted.

2. When I went to tan Saturday they were having Customer Appreciation weekend and had a drawing. I won 3rd prize! Yea me! I won a $40 bottle of lotion. I wouldn’t pay that price for it but iffin’ they are gonna give it to me, well...I will take it!

3. Sunday we went to the bar to watch the NASCAR race since Jan was working. We had a pitch-in and had a good time. We ate Taco Soup…I heart that stuff!

4. Every day that you go to the bar, you sign up for the daily. It is a dollar and then the next day they do a drawing and if you were in the previous day and had paid, you win! Simply stuff.

5. Last night around 5pm Gregg’s phone rang. Guess who they pulled out? Yeppers, the shithead won $1000!!!!!!! And he is going to give me some of it!!

6. We went to get his money and I was playing the pull tab things and I won $100!!

7. Yes, we smoke, drink, cuss and gamble! And usually all of the above at the same time!

8. They are FINALLY moving the piece of shit ugly trailer next door. They told me six years ago when I bought my place that they were taking it out. Nope, they sold it to a WEIRD couple. They haven’t lived there in about a year and a half and finally moved all of their stuff out. I can’t wait for it to be gone. It is just about the only older ugly one on my street now!

9. But, all of those people and noise going on over there are driving my dogs bat shit!

10. We are running away from home for the night next Tuesday just for the heck of it. After we went to the river boat a couple of weeks ago, they sent us coupons for $70 and a free room for the night so we are going to use it. Just because we can! About an hour and 45 minute drive but well worth it!

Revenge of the Animals!

I just thought you should know they are plotting against us!

THE REVENGE OF THE ANIMALS!!

For Chip...Marty on the Town!

I know, without a doubt, I am about to get into some serious trouble!!! But I feel frisky today and the sun is shining and the temp is going to be 47 and sometimes I just can't help myself!

I always check People of Walmart and right after we were discussing Marty's bra wearing habits, I clicked over there and LO AND BEHOLD!!!

Thursday Thoughts

Yeaaaaaa, I too have the sun back. Oh glorious sun, I heart thee!


I actually woke up on my own at 7:00 with this bright light in my room. Thought Gregg had left the light on when he left. I am really tired so I have no idea why I got up so early. I didn’t fall asleep until 2:30 and his alarm went off at 3:00! And 3:05. And 3:09. And 3:14. See the pattern here? He has two alarms on one clock and sets them both. I heart him too, I suppose.


I am slightly pissed this morning. Here I have spent gazillion dollars buying fresh fruit to eat and NOT EATING TATERS OR BREAD and find out that fruit is not really good for you when first starting a diet. It is full of sugar than turns into starch in your body. Like BREAD AND TATERS! I heart taters more than just about anything. You can make them any way you want, I will eat them. Even raw!


FML!


I did not work out yesterday and I am not going to today. My legs and arms are so sore I can hardly walk when I first stand up. They loosen up after a minute but I am taking a break.


I’m going shopping. Retail therapy for me! I have Gregg’s bank card. **insert evil grin and laugh here** Then we are going out tonight with a few friends. Nothing exciting but it is not at home. Just going to the VFW for Spaghetti dinner, which I will not eat, and a few drinks, which I will drink!


Erin had that thing about eyelash perms on her blog and I swear my eyes have been bugging me since. I just get the heebie-jeebies thinking about it! And permanent eyeliner, with needles?!?!? Not enough Scotch or Tequila on this planet to get a needle near my eyes.


Marty is out dancing in the street with the sun shining down on her so I am happy for her! Patti is off to have a fabulous time at a great place. Have no clue what the rest of you are doing today but ENJOY!!


I am off to the tanning bed, Wally World, CVS, Kohl’s and whatever else I find along the way! ?You all have a fantastic day and GO OUTSIDE!

Wednesday Why's!

Just some things I am wondering about today. You have been warned!

Why does Gregg pour a bowl full of milk and then pours cereal in and eats until the milk is gone?

Why does he always take the cereal out of the box and then wraps a rubber band around it?

Why do car makers come up with ugly ass cars?

Why is it that I can go into a “fancy, EXPENSIVE” Mall wearing just regular jeans, a t-shirt and tennie runners and people feel the need to stare? Sorry, but you are the idjits because you actually pay $100 for a top that I can get at Kohl’s for $20!

Why does the Apple store have 25 employees? Most of them standing around. But they have EXCELLENT customer service skills. Andy’s IPod Touch lost it’s back light, he called Monday night, they made him an appointment for Tuesday, walked in, handed it to the guy with one inch stones IN his ear lobes, he goes in the back, comes back, hands us a BRAND NEW one with all stuff moved and out we walk.

Why is that Mall 752 miles long and I parked at the opposite end?

Why do I still hurt from working out, I have been doing it regularly now?

Why does that thing say “ugh” every time I step on it?

Why did the sun go away?

Why isn’t it May yet?

Why haven’t I showered yet and got on with doing something productive?

Why am I boring you peeps with this shit?

Tuesday Ramblings!!

Ten Thoughts Huh? We shall see.

1. TEO and I have sort of become friends. He kicks my ass, I sweat, and then I shove him in a corner until the next day! And he sits there and stares at me with an evil stink eye.

2. I did run one whole mile yesterday!! Just started breathing again this morning.

3. Why do the dogs look at me funny while I am exercising? Guess I need to lock them in the other room as the snickering is giving me a complex.

4. The temps are warming up and I am going to get out and run some errands today. Going to do some wild things like go to the bank, dollar store, yanno…big time trips!

5. I can’t believe I lose ANOTHER hour of my life next week. DST is March 14 for us weirdos that change our clocks twice a year. I like it in the summer as I can be outside longer but then it is a bitch to get a kid to go to bed when school starts with the sun up.

6. Diet Lipton Green Tea with Mixed Berries is pretty darn good…and they say it’s good for me. No calories and no carbs…are they lying to me? But ummmm...I just looked at the bottle…it says tast best if drank before….November 2009! And I just bought it last week?!?!?

7. I can’t die now!! I have just two months until I go to the Heaven on Earth!

8. For those of you down in the mood department, may I suggest a 20 minute nap in a tanning bed? OMG can that change your mood.

9. My kid and his mood swings are gonna be the death of me. For a couple of days he will be and Angel and do everything he is asked and then for a couple of days I swear he will not see his 13th birthday!

10. Gregg is being weirdly nice and sweet lately. He is most of the time but lately he is just all lovey-dovey. Should I be worried? And I haven’t been all bitchy-twitchy lately. Should he be worried?

11. I AM SO DAMN GLAD THE OLYMPIC ARE OVER!!! I was running out of books to read to avoid them.

12. Seriously people, Kate Gosselin and Pamela Anderson on Dancing with the Stars?

There ya have it sports fans. So I can’t count.

A man was driving when he saw the flash of a traffic camera. He figured that his picture had been taken for exceeding the limit, even though he knew that he was not speeding...

Just to be sure, he went around the block and passed the same spot, driving even more slowly, but again the camera flashed.


Now he began to think that this was quite funny, so he drove even slower as he passed the area again, but the traffic camera again flashed.



He tried a fourth time with the same result. He did this a fifth time and was now laughing when the camera flashed as he rolled past, this time at a snail's pace...



Two weeks later, he got five tickets in the mail for driving without a seat belt.

You can't fix stupid.