Dear So and So!!

Sooo...Hi There! How the Hell has ya been? Oh, never mind, I know cuz’ I been a reading’ ya know! Just haven’t had the urge to write anything! But I need to do my Saturday thingy so without further ado:

Dear Andy,
You did it my boy! You made it 12 years of age! How, I have no clue, but you did it! And I even played good Mom and got you the Xbox 360 that you have been whining for the past 180 days at least 180 times a day! I know I should not encourage you to play video games and make you go outside but honestly, the peace and quiet is SOOO worth it right now! And you re doing good earning the money for more gadgets and games for it so maybe something good can come from this!

Quiet is Bliss!


Dear Daughter,
Could you PLEASE stop having birthdays now? You see, every year that you get older, guess who does too! Yep, that would be me! And I am not liking this, at all! You are at a good age of 26, stop there…mmmm kay?!?!? But you is a good girl so Happy Birthday anyway!

HAHAHA, you are old now!


Dear Dr. Asshat,
Yanno, you said this would be all good after I let you cut a six inch gash in my arm. Well, guess what? IT. IS. NOT!! The two fingers that you were to fix, yep, you guessed it…still numb and tingly! I talked to you lovely nurse on Tuesday who said that I could take the stint off for a couple of hours so I could scratch the first six layers off of my arm from all of the itching. OMG….Where did you learn to sew? Frankenstein had a better seamstress! And those 45 Vicodin you gave me...Gone...gone I tell ya! And I have a good tolerance for pain. Hell, I had a hysterectomy and only took pain meds for the first couple of days! I will be seeing you on Thursday and I hope you have paid your insurance as me thinks you are going to be paying for plastic surgery and not the kind that I had envisioned ever having. Ya know, I still want a boob job. Maybe after I sue your ass, I can have my arm fixed, a tummy tuck, and a boob job! This could work out!
Maybe Thanks!

Scarred for life!


Dear Alphie and Molly,
You finally did IT! Twice so far! Am I gonna be a Grandma again? You are going for a doggie date today and tomorrow so I do hope you finish up your “business”. This shit of getting up at 6 in the morning because you’re Mr. Winky is hard and she is not here and you want to whine is soooo not working for me!

Your doggie porn watching Momma


Dear Hot Water Heater,
Thanks dude! I mean seriously, how did you look out from the closet and see me sitting here moving money from one account to another so that I wouldn’t spend it? You are only five years old, how can you be tired? Yes, I understand that the water around here is so hard you practically have to chew it, but come on! Well, I threw your ass outta the house. Take That! You will be leaving my porch on Monday to never be seen again! I will get a new one from the supply company and will sell it to get some money back that you stole from me! And I will thank you as I am sitting on the beach next year!

Cold showers suck!


Dear Camp Kesem,
WHOOOTTTTTTTT to you! It is that time of the year again! You get to take the above mentioned boy for 6 whole peace and quiet loving days! I don’t care much for the 4 hours round trip drive but that’s OK! HE loves you; I love you so I see a win/win situation! But I do have one question…Do you have bed bugs? If so, please tell me now so I can be ready for the weeks of scratching, bleeding and bitching!

Two Happy Campers!


Ok, that is it for the day. I am sure I have more but will not completely bore you!

Hugs & Kizzes
Karen