Christmas In July!!!

Hi Peeps!

First off, I owe a great big Apology to Lula. I am SO SORRY!
As I participated in the Christmas in July Swap over at Angie’s Spot, I was to have mailed my package out on Friday. Well, as I was having surgery on Monday, I was so busy getting stuff done around here that I wouldn’t be able to do this week, I got behind in getting my stuff together. I had it all ready by Saturday but the Post Office was already closed. Soooo…I asked Gregg if he would mail it for me Monday after we got home from the Hospital.

Wellll….you know what happens when you ask a man to do something, don’t you!

Yep...umm...noo…he didn’t mail it. And I didn’t know it…until late Wednesday as that was the next time I was in my car. It was sitting in my back seat all nice and ready to go. So it was mailed out Thursday morning! You should get it by Monday or Tuesday I would think! I am soooo sorry!!!

And it is still missing one thing that I can’t get until September so she will get a late addition to hers!

But, back to ME!!! I got mine yesterday and what a great surprise! It is as if she read my mind!

I was actually looking at this book in Wally World the other day and thought that it would be a neat series to read so she has started it now!! And as someone that has approximately 150 pairs of shoes, I don’t wear them that often and was thinking that a nice pedicure would be great right about now. I tried some of the lotion and all I can say is OMG!! And the socks are soooo soft. They will be well worn next winter, I promise you that! And don’t you just love the ornament?!?!? And I am listening to the CD right now. A lot of my favs on there! She did an awesome job! Thank you Lula!!! I love it all!!

And do you know she even has stationary with her blog site on it!! How cool is she!

Thank you Angie for hosting this and it was fun! I can’t wait to do another! I always enjoy meeting new people and you have opened the door for me to lurk at whole bunch of new blogs!! hehehehe

You can follow the linky thingy up there to see all of the neat things that have traveled this great country of ours to new homes!

Fun, fun, fun

Surgery Can Be Fun!

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I hurt My Belbow

Well, hummm!

Yep, it’s Thursday! That’s about it! This week has been rather quiet around here! Only half-ass exciting thing is that I FINALLY got to see the Ortho Doc. It has taken me three appointments to do it. The first one I had to cancel because a friend needed me to go to court with her over a Dr. bill and then my Doc went on Vacation for two weeks. I had another appointment last Tuesday and MY family Doctor’s nurse told me it was in another building. I couldn’t find the damn office. I didn’t take the number with me so I tried to call 411 and get the address. Well, as I have never been to this one, I had no idea how his name was spelt. His name is Srader but is pronounced like Schrader! I would have never thought to spell it that way. So 411 sends me to the COMPLETE other side of town! Nope, not him. Turns out I ended up in a Psychiatrist office. Kind of fitting but I shot the Hell outta there before they could keep me. I finally gave up and came home and called. I was in the right area but needed to be in the building across the street. DOHHHHHHH!!

So it seems I have a pinched Ulna nerve in my belbow! I have none or very little feeling in my ring and pinky fingers on my left hand! So he says the only was to fix it is to cut me open and loosen it! Fun Fun, I tell ya! He is a good looking guy and funny too! He asked me if I was afraid of surgery!! I started laughing and told him NOPE! See, about a year ago I had a complete hysterectomy and she had to cut me from my belly button to heaven and I had over 20 staples so, no, cut me at your will! And the way he was talking about a shot in a major nerve up in the chest area for numbness during and after surgery, I had to ask him if they were going to put me completely out. He said of course, unless you want to stay awake and hear us talk about all of icky stuff! HELL NO! I told him to put me out so I couldn’t hear them making fun of me. He laughed and said maybe paint your toenails something funny so we will have something to laugh about!!

I am going to paint smiley faces or something on my big toes just for him!

So I will be commenting quite slow next week as I will only have one hand for typing. The last couple of days I have been trying to do my daily things with just my right hand as this is NOT GOING TO BE FUN!!!
Thank God he is going to be giving me some good drugs so I can leave you guys some REALLY good comments. Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
And your funny for the day:

Hug & Kizzes
Karen

Sign found in Bars:::

Friends don't let friendstake home ugly men
Women's restroom
Starboard, Dewey Beach, DE


Beauty is only a light switch away.
Perkins Library, Duke University , Durham , NC


If life is a waste of time,and time is a waste of life,then let's all get wasted togetherand have the time of our lives.
Armand's Pizza, Washington , DC


Fighting for peace is likescrewing for virginity.
The Bayou, Baton Rouge , LO


No matter how good she looks,some other guy is sick and tiredof putting up with her shit.
Men's Room
Linda's Bar and Grill, Chapel Hill , NC


At the feast of ego everyone leaves hungry.
Bentley's House of Coffee and Tea, Tucson , AZ


It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.
Written in the dust on the back of a bus,Wickenburg , AZ


Make love, not war.-Hell, do bothGET MARRIED!
Women's restroom
The Filling Station, Bozeman , MT


If voting could really change things,it would be illegal..
Revolution BooksNew York , New York .


If pro is opposite of con, then what is the opposite of progress? Congress!
Men's restroom House of Representatives, Washington , DC


Express Lane:Five beers or lessSign over one of the urinals
Ed Debevic's, Phoenix , AZ


You're too good for him.Sign over mirror in Women's restroomEd Debevic's, Beverly Hill s ,CA


No wonder you always go home alone.Sign over mirror in Men's restroom,Ed Debevic's, Beverly Hill s ,CA

~~~ and perhaps the most realistic one ~~~

A Woman's Rule of Thumb:If it has tires or testicles,you're going to have trouble with it Women's restroomDick's Last Resort, Dallas , TX

Dear So and So Saturday!

Time for Dear SO and SO Saturday! I borrowed the button from Kat and named it this over on Multiply! Thanks, Kat even tho you have no clue who I am!

You might wanna grab a big cup of coffee or a glass of wine...oh Hell...you may wanna grab the whole bottle because Momma has a lot to say this week:

Dear Lawrence Officer,

Seriously Dude! I realize that you have a rough job being an officer of the Law and all of that but did you really think that putting an 11 year old child in handcuffs, putting him in the back seat of your car, and hauling him down to Juvie was going to make you a hero in you Supervisors eyes? I mean really?!?! All he did was push the brat off of his bike and skinned his elbow. No blood, no stitches, and no damage. Now, I DO NOT condone my child touch another person for any reason, but did you REALLY have to treat him like a common criminal? On this said night about a week ago, while you were taking an hour off your given beat, TWO, yes, TWO people were shot and killed less than a mile from my house approximately the same time you were being an asshole! Do you not think that you could have used my tax dollars and your time management just a little better and maybe take care of the real criminals? No charges were filled and you even told me that as I was watching you take my baby away FOR NO DAMN REASON! Do you realize that it was exactly 58 minutes before they called me to come and pick my son up in one of the worst neighborhoods in our city and that it was getting dark? Did you not understand the concept that I am a single female? Please, for the Love of God, go back to training and man up so you can quit picking on 11 year olds.

Pissed off Mom,
Not voting for your next raise

Dear Mom of the above victim,

What kind of pansy ass son are you raising over there? Every time someone looks at him wrong, do you really need to call the PoPo? Your son is the approximate same size as mine. As I DO NOT condone my son touching another person, your little (girl) boy should have gotten up and gave it back to him. Yes, I know they both were calling each other names. It was self-confessed by both, and my son did push your son off of his bike. But, they were stopped so it was not a drive by shooting that you needed to call the Police. Back in my day, if that happened, we got up and settled man to man and went about our way! If I had EVER came home and told my Dad that “someone hurt me” and they did not look worse than me, my Dad would march my butt over there and settle it in normal fashion. Not that we went over to “beat you up” but settle it amongst neighbors and end it! We did not bother the local finest or dumbest as was this case. And for your info, I am only 5 feet tall and I NEVER backed down from a bully. God help your child next year in school. I hope he doesn’t get beat up by too many girls!

My son doesn’t wear pink.

Dear Camp Jameson,

I really do love you, well, did until Thursday! You only charged me $75 for the camp when you originally told me $125. For that I am grateful. My son loves coming there and I do so enjoy the 5 days of silence. I REALLY DO!

Then you had to go and blow it. Big chunky kind of blow it! As a semi-normal half-sane person, I would think that you would inform me at registration that you had been having issues with bed bugs! Ummm…you have approximately 100 kids coming into your camp and you did not feel the need to tell not a single one of us!?!? So Thursday, Andy was having some issues and you called to let me know and I was able to calm him down a little. Then, as an after thought, you inform me that my child is COVERED in bed bug bites?!?! WTF people! Yes, you claimed that you washed all of his stuff, sprayed the area, and took all necessary steps to stop them. But shouldn’t I have had the decision rights to decide if my son was going to stay at your camp and risk the bites. And my child was not the only one to be bit! I man COME THE FUCK on! When I came to get my son on Thursday, there were about 20 other parents there to get there child the Hell outta the area!
Then you had to cause me more stress my worrying if he brought any home in his stuff! Thank you so much! How can I ever repay you for this? The poor boy is a walking itch machine and I have him completely covered in Calamine lotion and am shoving Benadryl down his throat just so he has a layer or two of skin left. And then he tells me this morning he thinks he has new bites. THANK YOU SO DMN MUCH! I needed to completely cleaned, wash, and vacuum everything that child owns because I have nothing else to do! I may have to send you a cleaning bill for my time?

Not a Happy Camper!

Dear Sinuses,
You and I have been together for a lot of years. We have got along really good since I was about 10 years old after I got over some allergies. Please explain to me why all of a sudden you need to interrupt my life? I did not know that one body could make that much snot and still not be able to breath! I am just asking that you go away or I will resort to mean tactics, like maybe going to the Doctor or something else terrible! Did you know that breathing is not optional in this life? I bought stock in Kleenex now so I may be a rich woman one of these days. Well, that and Benadryl for my son!

Snert and Achoo!

Ok kids, that is the jest of my week! See, life is never boring for me, Dammit! Marty, next time you run away, I is going with you! Eric will just have to share the back seat!

Hugs & Kizzes
Karen

Monday, Monday!

Monday Morning!!! Well, it is here!! Sun is shining, temps are around 80, and the boy child is safely at camp! Yep, just me and the dog until about 4 p.m.! Gotta love it! I even got up and decided I was not going to put any pants on and just run around in my night shirt….that is until Alphie stood by the door…reminding me I still have some duties even if it is of the four legged type!

I have already started writing my So and So’s for this week. See, last weeks I had started earlier so I could write them as I remembered them. Well, Friday night was as messed up as it could get but I was not in the mood Saturday to add them. I have three already and it is only Monday!! Your gonna love em, I promise!

Hope everyone had a great 4th and nobody got hurt. It rained ALL DAMN DAY!! Those lying ass bastards that do that weather thing kept telling us that the rain would stop by 7 p.m.! OMG!! I want their job! It did not stop raining until about 10 pm and then it was so cloudy. We can see the fireworks from our front porch so we still got to watch and we let Andy and his friend blow up the street! We bought Way too many fireworks but they had fun. Most of my neighbors were not home and even if they were, they are cool like that and just came out to watch (once the damn rain stop).

I don’t have much today as it is QUIET here! I get the remote, the computer, get to eat when I want and not have to cook for anyone else, and I can run nekkid through the house! I love this week!

Ok, here is your funny for the day:

Have you ever seen one? A little boy blows up a balloon and starts flicking it all around the house with his finger. His mother tells him to stop it as he's liable to break something, but the boy continues. 'Johnny!' Mom screams. 'Knock it off.' You're going to break something. He stops and eventually Mom leaves for a short trip to the shopping center. Johnny starts up with the balloon again after his mom has left for the store. He gives it one last flick and it lands in the toilet where he leaves it.

Mom comes in and while putting away the grocery gets the urge. A diarrhea run. She can hardly make it to the toilet in time and SPLASH, out it comes. When she's finished, she looks down and can't believe what she's seeing. She's not sure what this big brown thing is in the toilet! She calls her doctor.

The doctor is baffled as she describes the situation, but he assures her he'll be over shortly to examine everything. When he arrives she leads him to the bathroom and he gets down on his knees and takes a long, hard look at the thing. Finally, he takes out his pen and sort of touches it to see what it might be and POP!

The balloon explodes and poop is everywhere. On him, the walls, etc.

'Doctor! Doctor! Are you all right?' she asks.

He says, 'I've been in this business for over 30 years, and this is the first time I've ever actually seen a fart!'




You're laughing aren't you...I know you are!!!

Hugs & Kizzes
Karen

Dear So and So

I saw this on here and thought it was a great idea so I am joining in!

Dear Weatherman,

Can I please have your job because you so obviously suck at it and I could do it and I could also use your really outrageous paycheck for doing nothing? I mean seriously, you have all of those computers, Doppler radars and hell, you even have a phone and you could call them in the Illinois and ask what is going on over there and know that we will get it next. If it is raining there, IT IS GOING TO RAIN HERE!

Sincerely,
Your future replacement
*************************************************************************************
Dear wonderful son,

Yes, I realize you are going to camp tomorrow. Remember, I am the one that signed you up, took you to the doctor for your physical, and I even PAID for it. You do not, I repeat, do not have to remind me every 15 minutes. I am FULLY aware that I will get to be childless for the next 5 days and I promise you I will fully enjoy. Now go outside. I promise you won’t melt or anything like that.

Love,
The Mom that will enjoy the next 5 days

**********************************************************************
Dear Weeds in my Garden,
I would really like to know who invited you to the party. We spent a ton of money putting that garden in and making sure we didn’t invite you. As soon as we turned our backs and went out of town for a couple of days, you throw a damn party! What, are you teenagers that think just because Mom & Dad are gone you can tear the place up. Sorry about yer luck, I just sprayed your butts and you is gonna die...die I tell ya!

Now get out,
Your murderer for hire

***********************************************************************
Dear Alphie,
You know I love you, I really do! But why do you think it is necessary to jump on my bed at the first light of day and lick my face? I know what else you lick and would prefer you kept that taste to yourself. I mean, come on dude, you are always licking me some where and I can take it on my feet or legs, but seriously, not on my face.

Thank you,
The Alphie treat person

************************************************************************
Dear Guy in India,
I am grateful to you! Really, I am!! The day will go down in history. I totally appreciate the fact the you have a good grasp of the English language and I was able to understand you for the whole hour we were getting to know each other whilst you fixed my modem that decided to take a crap yesterday. I will return the one I bought today and I thank you for the $50.00 you let me keep. I had not even cashed the rebate check that I got for this modem and now I get to actually keep it. And you even helped with a couple of other issues with my ‘puter! If you weren’t so far away, I might kiss you!

One Happy Internet Lurker

Hugs & Kizzes
Karen

Busy, Busy

Hi!! Miss me? Well, get a better aim!

I know I haven’t had time to actually do a blog, just been lurking around when I can. Sometimes LIFE happens and I only get a few minutes to read some on here!

Gregg was on vacation last week and he is a needy one! Seems to think I need to entertain him 24/7! God it was so great when he went to work Monday morning. Love the man but Damn Sam; go do something without me for once!!

The concert was totally awesome! As you saw in the pics, we had a good time with some great young guys! All these young girls in short skirts around us and they wanted to play with the “cougars” as we were referred to in the pics! Nobody got hurt in the making of those memories.

Monday and Tuesday we took the psycho child to Holiday World for a couple of days of fun! It is an amusement park with rides and Water Park with a beach on Lake Shafer. We spent two days just riding roller coasters and floating on the water! Just what the doctor ordered. Gregg got sunburned really bad as his white ass legs haven’t seen the sun since he was 7. My tan just got darker as I still am tanned from going to Florida in May.

Temps around here have finally cooled down. It was in the nineties for about a week. This girl don’t like temps like that unless there is sand between my toes and a Margarita in my hand! Had the Margarita but no sand, dammit!

Seriously, I need somebody to come and clean this house!!! The dust bunnies just point and laugh at me now! Seeing how I am an animal lover, I just can’t bring myself to kill them!

The boy is getting ready to go to camp on Sunday!

WHOOOHOOOO!!!! Momma gets a week free of the psycho boy! And then he comes home for a few weeks and then off to another camp for a week! WHOOOHOOO!! He will then only have about a week before school starts! Gregg is on vacation again the second camp so I will have to play with him. We were going to go to Las Vegas but decided to just go to one of the casino boats here and get away! I get to go play Craps!! I love me some Craps and I REALLY like winning money!

It was also Gregg’s birthday on Monday so we had a small celebration for him! He don’t do cakes since that is basically what he does for a living, so I got him a banana cream pie! I know, I know, I should have made it myself but just wasn’t in the mood and Kroger had a really good one, so there! That’s just how I roll!
Ok, I tried to give you the short version so I don’t bore you to death. I will give you a funny for the day:

Hugs & Kizzes

Karen

A Beach Moment.......... I was sunbathing naked at the beach. For the sake of civility, and to keep it from getting sunburned, he had a hat over his manhood. A woman walks past and says, snickering, "If you were a gentleman you'd lift your hat." He raised an eyebrow and replied, "If you weren't so ugly it would lift itself." ..............