Back to Blogging!!

Well, hmmm…guess I need to get back to this blogging thing as I have been gone too long. And there has been some things going on that I better get in writing before my senile mind forgets them.



Let’s go back and recap the parts that I remember, shall we.


March – cold, snow, cold, snow, yep, that about sums it up for Indiana weather.


April – All I remember from this month is that I was too damn excited to the 28th to come because it was time for the Annual Girls Trip to Florida. Oh my, what a trip that was. Just picture six women going 900 mile away from our men and children for a week. Some only went for five days but me and the BFF stayed two more days.


The fun started on the first day when the asshats limo driver tried to charge us more than I was quoted. See, I have some anal retentive habits and one of those is call CMA (cover my ass) sooooo I had printed out all of the emails just in case. Justin Case came in very handy. And they sucker screwed himself out of a $25 tip from some very cranky women. Then the owner had the balls to come back and still try to mess with me. WRONG move dude when I have been on the beach and at the pool for five days and drinking the day he wanted to rumble in the jungle. Really smart short, fat old man, I know some stuff and know how to take down dumb men (OK, so most of them are) but don’t play with me. You will lose!!


The first night we all ended up in the pool in our clothes. Right by the Tiki bar and man was that fun. Is it wrong when the bartenders remember you from the last year? Well, we got great service so I assuming that is a good thing, no?


Day two, just a chillin’ on the beach and pool and Tiki Bar and in our rooms and…..just fun.


I will not bore you will the rest of the week because it was a repeat of fun. We did go on a dolphin watch boat thingy that had the best driver that we got to mess with and he was hilarious. We met some friends that we will see again.


June – The boyfriend Gregg and I took 3 teenage boys to Kings Island for two day. I’ll let you picture that for a minute…………yep. Fanfuckintastic.


We leave at 9am with threats of rain. It is only about a 1 ½ to 2 hours drive from my house. Momma played smart and kept those kids up late so they would sleep on the way there. And they did. Except it RAINED like Hell THE ENTIRE TRIP. And I was driving. There were times that I was only doing 35 on the interstate. But I was a determined one, as we got in the parking lot the rain stopped.


We had rented a room for the night and it was crowded. The third child came at the last minute so they had to deal as Momma wasn’t putting out another $100 for a room for teenagers. Not happening no matter how much you whine. You may me my last child but you are not my first.


Ended up with a good time by all and no puking on the rides. Gregg drove home, I drank…oh shush…you would have too. Remember, THREE 14-15 year old boys in one car.


THEN the big thing came. Oh Hell this hurts. I had one of those damn birthday things. And, and, and….Oh Shit….I turned 45!!!!!!!!!!!!!! REALLY, how in the Hell did I get this old? REALLY? 45? If I had known I was going to live this long I would have taken better care of myself. Well, ok, maybe not but I wouldn’t have had that last kid to kill a good body. Ok, not even that, I would still have him.


Gregg did give me a nice surprise party with my friends and a CUTE cake and all that stuff. But he had the bartender put the candles on at 54 just to mess with me…asshole. The good news is I saved the candles as he will be 54 next year and I can reuse them. If I can resist putting a 1 in front that is.


The boy made it to 14….how I have no idea because that boy has pushed every button I have and then some I didn’t know about.


Ok, so I started this a month ago….I suck...oh how he wishes…but I have got to get back at this as life has been throwing me some shit that has tried to take me down.


One of my bestest, dearest, beloved, and so well missed passed on the 23rd. FUCK!!!!!!! God Bless America Cancer came into my life AGAIN!!!! I still have to do her burial this Saturday as the ass of Dr. didn’t sign her death certificate until today.


Jan Seprodi, I miss the living Hell out of you and life will never be the same!!


I have an AMAZING group of friends that we have all rallied around each other for this and I am SOOOO grateful for them!! And I hope I have helped them too.


This past two months have taught me to hold those you Love even closer as we age and shit happens.

Gone Missing

Yep, gone again for awhile.



This life is keeping me busy. I miss all of you but don’t seeing me getting caught up for a few years.


SOOOOOO freaking much going on in my life I really don’t have them time to tell all!


Kid is still alive and hitting high school next year. ISP, EAP, high school………..I may need bail money.


Vacations I have booked….for me…..


We girls leave on April 28th for a week of fun, five of us this time, some only for five days, us older bitches for 7 days. This will be the first Mother’s Day in 10 years I have been home. Due to a scheduling thing but all good! Then we have Jimmy Buffet in August, and we have a few others in between. Brown County in September…and then the big one………….


I am going on a cruise to the Eastern Caribbean 2/12/2012 with Gregg and a few other friends. No one under the age of 45 allowed! OK, that will be me but hey!


I had a little something happen last month from my deceased hubby’s company that gave me extra money each month that I am spending this next 6 months and then sock that stuff away.


I do miss all of you but DAMMIT life likes to throw me curves and crap and then I run off on a tangent then….hell…you most know me.


I really got to get back to blogging because I need this vent instead of kicking the dogs and locking the kid in the closet….JK for reals! As far as you know!


The child is on the list for an accelerated classes for his freshman class with Engineering skills and ...yada...yada….they are trying to hurt my brain talking about all of this as I have ANOTHER meeting this month.


I have been living a wonderfully fucked up exciting confused and delirious life. Can bitch about it but...it’s my life and I LOVE every moment about it…almost! I've lived through it!


Hell, ain’t nobody getting out of this alive!!!

Long Time

Yep, gone again for awhile.







This life is keeping me busy. I miss all of you but don’t seeing me getting caught up for a few years.






SOOOOOO freaking much going on in my life I really don’t have them time to tell all!






Kid is still alive and hitting high school next year. ISP, EAP, high school………..I may need bail money.






Vacations I have booked….for me…..






We girls leave on April 28th for a week of fun, five of us this time, some only for five days, us older bitches for 7 days. This will be the first Mother’s Day in 10 years I have been home. Due to a scheduling thing but all good! Then we have Jimmy Buffet in August, and we have a few others in between. Brown County in September…and then the big one………….






I am going on a cruise to the Eastern Caribbean 2/12/2012 with Gregg and a few other friends. No one under the age of 45 allowed! OK, that will be me but hey!






I had a little something happen last month from my deceased hubby’s company that gave me extra money each month that I am spending this next 6 months and then sock that stuff away.






I do miss all of you but DAMMIT life likes to throw me curves and crap and then I run off on a tangent then….hell…you most know me.






I really got to get back to blogging because I need this vent instead of kicking the dogs and locking the kid in the closet….JK for reals! As far as you know!






The child is on the list for an accelerated classes for his freshman class with Engineering skills and ...yada...yada….they are trying to hurt my brain talking about all of this as I have ANOTHER meeting this month.






I have been living a wonderfully fucked up exciting confused and delirious life. Can bitch about it but...it’s my life and I LOVE every moment about it…almost! I've lived through it!






Hell, ain’t nobody getting out of this alive!!!














Prev: Just Say No!

Just Say No!

My spare bedroom and laundry have been the pits for a few months. As in, I wouldn’t let my best friend in there and she has seen me at the worst.



I have been going through crap around here to have a garage sale in the spring so shit is piling up. And the books, OMFG, I have WAY too many books. Connie had given me a 6 foot tall bookcase and I already had one. One was in my laundry and I decided it was time to get those organized.


So I had to move all of the books off of bookcase #1 onto case #2. Mind you, these are hardback books. I fill up #1 and still have three shelves full. Have to move them into the room so I can move #2. Then move it. Put all of the books on the shelves. And I had two boxes of books that were my Mom’s I had stacked away.


I now have 2 6 foot tall bookcases and one 4 foot tall full of books and 4 milk crates full of paperbacks I am selling.


Now in between all of this, 5 loads of laundry from all of the crap pile around and moving the damn bed TWICE and mopping, sweeping, dusting and just in general cleaning……


I threw my back out. As in SIT THE HELL DOWN AND DON’T BREATH hurt! Walking to the bathroom felt like someone was stabbing me with a hot poker right above my ass. Not IN it but above it.


Thank you Jebus that I saved my pain meds from my last surgery. Nothing like a little Percocet high to make you forget things hurt. I haven’t been able to sit up to get on here and luckily didn’t have anywhere I had to go.


But…..I have three peoples taxes to get done and I am pretty sure being doped up is not a good time to play with the IRS.


So far today, it is at a tolerable level as long as I don’t try to walk so I am attempting to get some work done today.


If come April I get hauled away by the Feds, you will know I should have just said NO to cleaning!!


Nothing good can ever coming from cleaning. I am convinced!!


But the rooms look great.

MIA.and back!

So, are you ready for some more lame excuses as to where I have been?



Well, I have been right here but busy.


I have been finding ways to make money on this little black box I am always on and dammit, I have been!!


I do a bunch of surveys and crap and people pay me. No, I am not making a killing but so far around $100 in about 2 weeks and entered a shitload of contest to hopefully win the crap I can’t afford.


I am also reviewing some books and get paid for that so I am not ALWAYS on the ‘puter.


I also am taking classes on becoming a travel agent. Yep, I figured I am always the one that people come to find them the best deal on trips, I may as well start getting paid for it.


I am currently working on the most important one. Our Annual Girl’s Trip to Florida. This year will be a record, I think, of FIVE of us going. Do you have ANY idea how hard it is to please FIVE women at once?


So far we have picked the date because we always go over Mother’s Day so that part was easy. We will stay at our usual hotels so another easy-peasy.


The shit starts when I have some going for 5 days and others, like me, going for seven. And some of them require more room than others and some won’t take a shower so they have to have a bathtub!


Meh, it will all work out. I have a great bunch of girls because mostly they say tell us where to be and what time and don’t lose us in the airport or the ocean.


I am also working on a few small trips for us and a couple of others for a few guys so, yep, I need to get paid for this.


In other news, everyone is alive and kicking. This is the first time in A LONG TIME that all of us have been bitten by some kind of bug. I didn’t get the shot this year and I can promise you, I won’t forget next year.


I need to get back to blogging because I miss you all and I am always thinking about it as crap builds up in my head and then it wants to asplode and that is not good.


It this damn weather. We have had snow since the first part of December and more coming tomorrow. I am going to start going to the tanning bed or I may go postal soon.


I also have started exercising (oh hush, for real) to lose some weight and so far I have lost about 4 pounds.


So see, I have been doing stuff but not on Multiply or Blogger. I know, I know, bad friend! I should be sent somewhere south to think about my actions.


I now have to go get in the shower because I haven’t for 2 days and go do stuff I have managed to put off for the last week.


I also need to come up with a name for my website for the travel thing. Any ideas from you smart people? I am not above bribing you to help me here.

Coming out of the Shadows

I am coming out to all of the blogs I have been following and not commenting. I am also am going to get back to blogging more myself. Kind of taken a mini-blogcation!

So, How's Your Monday?

THANK YOU everybody!! I am still madder than a wet cat with his pecker stuck in an electric fence but I am OK. My phone has been blowing up and I didn't get to bed until 8 am and then up at 11 am. I is tired. I have a letter started to Steve but I am going to have to calm the Hell down and read it and delete parts and pretend I don't want to kill anyone.

This weekend ha really tried to kill me due to kids. I am seriously considering packing my shit and running away from home.

Saturday night Andrew went with a bunch of kids to go to a haunted house. With an adult "Father" and I thought it was all good. I don't let him just go with anybody and had talked to the guy, knew where they were going, what time they would be back, and all of that jazz.

He was suppose to be home at 10 pm. Nope, not here. Call the Dad's cell phone...no answer!! Waited not so patiently...11 pm...12 am...ONE FREAKING THIRTY my kids strolls in and the fucking Dad DID NOT drop him...made him walk home!!!! And won't answer his cell phone AT ALL!

I managed to stay out of jail that night and all day yesterday.

I knew that my daughter was going to be on the show but had told Andrew that due to the contract she had to sign, she wasn't allowed to say what happened until it aired. Well, I did forget it was on and was pleasurably laying on the couch watching Brothers & Sisters when my sister called and told me to click over to Undercover Boss.....FML!!!!!

I know that Tom and my Mom rolled over in their graves when that shit aired. I have pictures of the crib I gave her, all of the nursery stuff that was IN MY HOUSE IN HER BEDROOM and a gazillion pics of her and Brandon in my house. Yep, I threw her out. That is why I took her to every damn doctor appointment, made sure she took her vitamins, held her damn head while she had morning sickness all damn day, and was in the damn surgery room when she had to had an emergency c-section. WITH BOTH OF my grandkids.

She CHOSE to move out with the baby at around 10 months when I refused to let her drug-infested-sticky fingered boyfriend/baby daddy move into my house. She and the baby were so welcome. Never him.

I taught her to be a Bitch and stand up for herself but she has totally forgot who the master is and it will bite her in the ass.

Wednesday Whatnots!

No, I didn’t do a Tuesday Ten because you really wouldn’t have wanted those thoughts. I was woken up around 1:00am and couldn’t go back to sleep to save my life. And I didn’t go to bed until 11:30 so, nope, no good thoughts were present yesterday.



Now I will commence with spewing all kinds of crap for your pleasure!


Labor Day weekend was just that. Well, on Sunday it was. Gregg, Andy, and I did some deep cleaning around here. We cooked out some awesome steaks and fresh corn and all kinds of yummy goodness. I bought one of those little watermelons that don’t look like much but WOW the amount I got out of it and it was soooo sweet. I won’t bring up the fact that I have them growing in the garden and SOME male around here didn’t tell me there was one out there that I could have had.


Why is it that I can sweep this house twice a week but I always seem to find a little dog I didn’t know I had each time? Seriously, the hair we sweep up is maddening!! It is no wonder all of our noses used to constantly run and now they don’t!


My car window has been funky since I bought the car but last Thursday it went down and REFUSED to go back up. I have had that issue before as in every time you go to a drive-thru it was a crap shoot as to if it would work or not. I called my handy man, aka Jimmy, to see if he could help as they SAY we will get rain this weekend. He came and got the car, fixed it, just got it back in the driveway and OMG, a quick shower hit!! Guess I had a little good Karma come my way.


I have a semi-mess going on and may need bail money (again). We have these “friends” that bug the hell out of all of us but they keep showing up and we are adults and deal with it but they are just about to blow my gaskets.


When we get together for cookouts and such they do the minimum that they can get by with and then sit around drinking beer. He attempts to help the guys but ends up being more in the way than not. Well, here is the dilemma of the day…the asshats has been on unemployment for almost 2 years after getting fired for sexual harassment. Yes, he goes there a lot and I have had to put him in his place more than I can count.


His 60th birthday is the weekend we go to Brown County and he also has filed for retirement. Yes, he’s retiring from unemployment. Go ahead; shake your head like I am. Anyway, he brings this up E.V.E.R.Y.T.I.M.E. we are together. He has it in his head that we are going to do something for him that weekend. NOOOOOOOO…we are not!!! We will hand him a card and say congrats and go on.


Well, last night, while I am COMPLETELY sleep deprived and had a few cocktails, his wife brings it up. SHE wants one of us to pick up a cake for him. I was not a nice person. She probably got the hint when I said “NO Fucking way, I am doing enough for this weekend and it damn sure ain’t all about him! We are already getting all of the food together that YOU will be getting a bill for your share but this is MY vacation too!” I had more cocktails because I have awesome friends that like to snicker when I bring out my evil twin. So, we will see how shit goes down.

Hot Date!

Ok, so yesterday I did 12 loaves of mf'ing zucchini bread and 5 gallons of salsa. I passed that stuff off to anybody that got within 5 feet of me last night. I have 2 loaves left and a couple of containers of salsa.

And just for the record, yes, I have to do 2 dozen deviled eggs tomorrow for a picnic at the VFW!

THEN.......................

I am going to go jump...I mean see this:

And this:

With 5 of the best wimmin's in my life!!

TTT!

Haven’t done this for a few weeks but now that the house is relatively quiet during the day I can get thoughts in a somewhat order. HA, like you thought that was going to happen.



1. School has been good so far. I am dealing with new teachers that I had not been warned about! This 8th grade teacher and I will probably not make it through the year. I AM NOT the student and will NOT be treated as such. Andy had a small melt down, and for him I do mean small. She calls while I am in the shower, I get the voice mail. Oh shit, English is rough for her…I can’t understand her phone number well at all and haven’t a clue what the name is. Sounded like…ARGLUDISJFFKEL! I get another one yesterday to tell me how WELL he is doing. Ok, I like positive reinforcement but lady, please. He is growing out of a lot of his issues so just let him be, for your sake.


2. I woke up Sunday morning to three of the largest zucchini’s I have seen in awhile. With a recipe for creamy zucchini pie in the bag, on my front porch. Any guesses as to what I am to do with them? I have a few ideas but then they would be inedible.


3. I already have a counter full of tomato’s that I am (was) suppose to have made salsa out of by tonight. Not seeing that in my future today.


4. I think I am having my PMS without the cervix and uterus. Sorry guys had to throw that in there.


5. Why am I breaking out like a teenager when I am in my **cough**cough** 40’s? I didn’t have zits when I was young, why in the Hell now?


6. Like Erin said, where in the Hell is the rain? I hadn’t realized I moved to the desert! Tired of heat, humidity and watering the garden every night. Hey, maybe that is the key, quit watering the damn thing, it will quit growing…..hmmmm….may be onto something here.


7. I think I am going to eat the rest of my T-bone steak very shortly. Steak is good protein for breakfast. Well, it is in my world. Maybe a couple of eggs. Mine haven’t been recalled…I don’t think. If you don’t hear from me, we will know the truth.


8. That brings me to a controversial topic. And I hope to not piss anybody off but this is my blog and my thoughts and you have been warned. When I was a kid, damn sounding old, we played in dirt, we ATE dirt, we were not bombarded with Mom’s constantly wanting to rub us down with anti-bacterial crap. Are we still alive? Hell yes. IN MY OPINION, it is the keeping germs off of the kids that are causing them to constantly be sick if a germ gets within a foot of them. Now, I do know some kids are just born with a low immune system, I KNOW THIS and am not saying all Mom’s do this. But with school starting it is totally being shoved down our throat. All three of my kids have made it without ever being touched with the stuff. I WAS LUCKY that my kids did have GREAT immune systems and we didn’t have too many of the ear nose, and throat issues so I am blessed in that department. But when people act like I am a bad Mother because I won’t insist that he carry a bottle of that stuff in his pocket, it sends me to a dark, dark place.


9. Only three more weeks until a mini-cation. For those of you that asked, every year a bunch of us go to Brown County, Indiana for a three day weekend. It is a small town in the hills that has a bunch of little shops of handmade crap that you have to buy and then dust for the rest of your life. Lots of little restaurants to eat weird stuff in. We do a cookout at the hotel on Friday night, walk around the whole town on Saturday which includes a stop at a little winery where you can get a bottle of wine, cheese, and crackers and sit on the covered patio and just enjoy. Then we have a DD that drives us around for a couple of hours and then back to the little bar behind the hotel. There are 18 of going this year. ALWAYS a great time.


10. And that will be Gregg’s last vacation of the year!! I love him home but he gets too restless if he doesn’t have something to do which sends me crazy and it just turns into Crazy town around here.


11. Why does his company insist that they make the vacation schedule in December? Do you have any idea how hard it is to schedule 5 weeks of vacation a year in advance? There are 2 weeks we know for sure then it is a crap shoot. Do you know what you are going to want to do a year from now?


12. OK, so there ya have it sports fans! I am off to….dunno…but it will not involve any vegetables!

Hello!!

hello there........................

Thought For The Day GOOD looks catch the eye but a GOOD personality catches the heart. You're blessed with both!' Flattered??? Don't be, this message was sent to ME!! I just wanted YOU to read it :) Send it on.... it'll make someone else's day!!

Tee Hee!

MEDICAL RESEARCH Australian Medical Association researchers have found that patients needing blood transfusions may benefit from receiving chicken blood rather than human blood. It tends to make the men cocky and the women lay better.... Just thought you'd like to know. BLESSED ARE THOSE WHO ARE CRACKED, FOR THEY ARE THE ONES WHO LET IN THE LIGHT! OK, I'll be going to my room now.

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Monday Musings!

I’M SO EXCITED!



You do know what tomorrow is, dontcha’?


My kid goes back to school. Hallelujah pass the wine!


My two days, well, one and half, were fantabulous. Connie came on Thursday and we just sort of chilled out at the VFW for a little bit and then back here. On Friday, we did some retail therapy, got pedicures and then commenced with the “Chill the fuck out day” at her house! We sat, talked, drank, ate fajitas (See Marty, told ya, EVERY TIME!) I can’t tell you how much I needed that.


On Wednesday night, a friend texted me asking and I quote, “A big batch of my mostest delicious deviled eggs for a friend’s bachelor party on Saturday”. I am sure someone heard the big “Fuck me running, I don’t wanna”. But we KNOW I would never say that to friend so of course I texted her back, Yes Dear.


So on Friday morning before we get moving I decided to go ahead and cook the eggs and then Saturday when I get home I will finish and deliver them. I know, there is no end to my brilliance.


Friday night while sitting on the Tiki Bar back porch, I hear my phone beep telling me I have a text message.


“Don’t so the eggs we already have some”….Fuck me again!


So now I have 2 ½ dozen cooked eggs in my fridge. Eggs salad anyone?


All is good and I will throw one or two at her tomorrow when I see here.


Yesterday was FOOTBALL!! Yes, Colts lost but that was to be expected in preseason.


I made THE MOST TASTIEST pork tenderloin, a big ole pan of fresh green beans straight out of my garden and mac&cheese. El Yummo!


I got to tell you the recipe the guy gave me after I had tasted his….his exact words were...


“First you fork your pork to death!!!” “Really fork it good!”


“Then you rub your pork very liberally with Mrs. Dash, garlic salt and then worchestershire sauce. Wrap that rascal and let sit for at least 6 hours. “


Now, if you knew this guy, you would have lost it because he didn’t really realize what he was saying and when he did, his face was all shades of red and the entire places lost it.


So I forked the pork! Really good!


Any who, today we have a couple of meetings this afternoon, laundry to get done and tomorrow at 6:45 I will be one the most happiest Momma’s…well along with probably 5000 other Mothers in this township!


I figure since I have done just the minimum of house cleaning in the last three weeks, I should do something this week. My computer room would be condemned if anyone saw it. I did get Andy to do his bathroom. Not totally up to my standards but, meh, I didn’t have to do it!


Trying to catch up with everyone slowly as some of you have been busy too! If I miss anybody, please forgive me. Now that school is back, I will have my free time back and won’t get so far behind…unless I get busy with life again.

Thursday Confessions

1. I confess that I woke up this morning not knowing what day it was until I went out and got the paper!

2. I confess that I is tired!

3. I confess that my BFF is coming in town tonight to spend the night with me.

4. I confess I will NOT be sober tonight and possibly not tomorrow.

5. I confess my house is a mess and I am okay with that....for today and tomorrow.

6. Ii confess that I am making my 13 year old clean the bathroom, including the toilet.

There, I have confessed and now I must go run eleventy billion errands I haven't been able to do. Including a stop at the liquor store. Oh hush...I deserve this one. I have been so good lately it's about to make ME puke.

700 Mile In 700 Minutes

Where do I start…let’s start with over 700 miles on my car and almost two weeks of adventures and counting.



Sunday the 1st. two of my friends bailed on the girl trip back from taking Andy to camp but one was all over it! Sissy asses drank too much the night before. Jebus girls, we are not leaving until 2:30,


Drove to Nashville, In, winding roads after I hit 135 after some dumbass decided to wrap his truck and 5th wheel around a telephone pole. Got the kid in camp and seriously Jan and I even said as we were leaving…………Thelma & Louise!!!


But without the driving off of a cliff!! Cars paid for so I have to baby it!


Stopped once we got back in to OUR town. ..A couple of beers…lots of GREAT convo…home…………….AHHHHH…..no child.


Tuesday……….Gregg and I have already planned to go to the Riverboat and have Jimmy to take care of Dumb and Dumber aka the dogs. I get my shower and nothing wrong, Gregg gets in and just about that time he is yelling at me.


Ummmmmm…….guess who forgot to pay the bill???? You get NO reprieve around here……not pretty.


I run up and pay it real quick with no make-up and still in jammies…please don’t picture that…scars for life……


This was at 10 am….Gregg soaked in soap…almost laughed bit I still have the will to live…I keep 2 gallons of water on hand in case Armageddon ever happens so I handed him a jug and “So, go rinse off”


I refuse to tell you the answer I got!!


Sooooo…..we get on the road to the boat around 2:30……………..the first night we won about 400….


The next morning HE decided we will stay that night too.


I have to tell he got promoted to PLATIUM status before we went so we had VIP treatment the whole way. We paid for nothing except for our cash they took!!


Came home Thursday night, met friends, confirmed the reservations that I make every year for our trip to Brown County next month, found out two that broke up during the year are now together again…


Should I mention this is a group of 10 couples? Twenty fucking people that I have to coordinate which damn Day they will be there……….where’s my beer and chute?


Friday ....State Fair Day….Corndogs, pork chops, corn on the cob, rib eye sammiches, sweet tea, pineapple whips…..see the pattern?


Saturday…Go to Nashville to get Andy…Momma burnt out….have dinner date with friends….fuck


Sunday, breathe


Monday………..SOMEBODY needs to clean around here…I don’t pick me!


Tuesday.... ‘I had to fight Downtown traffic for ONE piece of paper that took me 2 hours to do and only 15 minutes in that office!!! We go the drawing we always go to...Momma won


$600!!!


Tomorrow, My BFF is coming to me around 5 pm…we are chillaxin until we can’t and then…..pedicures with a driver………


Can you say MARGARITA DAY?


I WON’T EVEN GO INTO THE GET THE KID READY TO GO BACK TO SCHOOL CRAP……seriously…$50.00for a fucking calculator…and I have a perfectly good abacus on the shelf!!!

Some are Old, Some are Not!

A few good Senior Moments Garage Door The boss walked into the office one morning not knowing his zipper was down and his fly area wide open. His assistant walked up to him and said, 'This morning when you left your house, did you close your garage door?' The boss told her he knew he'd closed the garage door, and walked into his office puzzled by the question. As he finished his paperwork, he suddenly noticed his fly was open, and zipped it up. He then understood his assistant's question about his 'garage door.' He headed out for a cup of coffee and paused by her desk to ask, 'When my garage door was open, did you see my Hummer parked in there?' She smiled and said, 'No, I didn't. All I saw was an old mini van with two flat tires.. An elderly gentleman.... Had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100% The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, 'Your hearing is perfect.. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again.' The gentleman replied, 'Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!' Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says: 'Slim, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How do you feel?' Slim says, 'I feel just like a newborn baby.' 'Really!? Like a newborn baby!?' 'Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.' An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen.. The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, 'Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great.. I would recommend it very highly.' The other man said, 'What is the name of the restaurant?' The first man thought and thought and finally said, 'What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love? You know.... The one that's red and has thorns.' 'Do you mean a rose?' 'Yes, that's the one,' replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, 'Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?' Hospital regulations require a wheel chair for patients being discharged. However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet, who insisted he didn't need my help to leave the hospital. After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator. On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him. 'I don't know,' he said. 'She's still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown.' Couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things. During a checkup, the doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember .. Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair. 'Want anything while I'm in the kitchen?' he asks. 'Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?' 'Sure..' 'Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?' she asks. 'No, I can remember it.' 'Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write it down, so as not to forget it?' He says, 'I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries.' 'I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, write it down?' she asks. Irritated, he says, 'I don't need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake!' Then he toddles into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes, The old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs.. She stares at the plate for a moment. 'Where's my toast ?' A senior citizensaid to his eighty-year old buddy: 'So I hear you're getting married?' 'Yep!' 'Do I know her?' 'Nope!' 'This woman, is she good looking?' 'Not really.' 'Is she a good cook?' 'Naw, she can't cook too well.' 'Does she have lots of money?' 'Nope! Poor as a church mouse.' 'Well, then, is she good in bed?' 'I don't know.' 'Why in the world do you want to marry her then?' 'Because she can still drive!' Three old guysare out walking. First one says, 'Windy, isn't it?' Second one says, 'No, it's Thursday!' Third one says, 'So am I. Let's go get a beer..' A man was telling his neighbor, 'I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art.. It's perfect.' 'Really,' answered the neighbor . 'What kind is it?' 'Twelve thirty..' Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical. A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm. A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, 'You're really doing great, aren't you?' Morris replied, 'Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.'' The doctor said, 'I didn't say that.. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur; be careful.' One more. . .......! A little old manshuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool.. After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split. The waitress asked kindly, 'Crushed nuts?' 'No,' he replied, 'Arthritis.' Now , before you 'forget', send them on to some other folks you know who could use a good laugh !!

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Monday..TG!!

Trying to catch up with all of you…man… you guys get busy when I do!



Friday was a great day. I got up, piddled around here and finally got my shit together. I needed to go to Jimmy’s and work on some pop up thing on his computer. I finally got him in the 20th century about a year ago and now he thinks I know it all when it comes to computers. I am not a geek but most times I can fix my own stuff. The one thing that I haven’t totally figured out is Vista but I do think it sucks. I have had Windows XP since it came out and I know that shit. I am installing windows 7 soon because it is easier.


So I do all of the girlie things and am about to walk out the door to do that, go get beer and ice for the concert and hit the ATM! Connie calls and said she happened to get off work early and is almost to my house! Yippee…day starting earlier.


She walks in with a jug of Margaritas and a case of beer!!! Can you see where this is going? It is only 1:30 pm. We are meeting the other girls at 4-4:30!!!


We fix a margarita, run to get ice, go to Jimmy’s, and are back here by 2:30! Life is good! Now before you go yelling at me for drinking and driving, I want to point out that the entire drive to do all of the above errands is ¼ mile circle that only lands me on public property for 3 seconds! And I did that before I had drunk a quarter of it.


Anywho, I had already arranged for Jimmy to take us to the bar to meet the rest of the gang. We meet up at 4:00 and if you think Marty and Carol talked…try getting 7 women together in one place. OMFG!! I have some of the greatest friends. One new person to the group was Tammy’s Mom that was in town from Atlanta. Georgia visiting so we managed to get her a ticket to go with us.


God I love southern woman and that twang! And funny…OMG, I could just take her home and keep her. I had only met her once at Tammy’s wedding last year but you would think we were long lost friends she hadn’t seen in years!!


The concert….Well, the first part with Garry Allen SUCKED BIG ONES! I have always liked him. He came out swilling on a bottle of Jack and immediately started singing every cry in your beer song he knew!! His wife committed suicide a few years ago and he hasn’t gotten over it yet, obviously!


And that day was a kind of sucky day that was at the back of my mind all day was that it was 7 years ago that Tom died and I had a good cry in the morning and then said “Pull up you big girl panties and get on with it”! And I did well until that fucker started singing. I had a quick pity party of one for about 5 minutes but I had a swarm around me that gave me big hugs and then it was over.


Brooks & Dunn were awesome though! As soon as they started, SEVEN middle-aged women were dancing around like fools.


It was hotter than Hell until the sun went down but all ended well. We managed to crawl in bed around 1 am since I had to get up at 7 am the next morning for the golf shit.


The day started good as it was only 80 degrees at 10 am. Then I had to deal with a man older than dirt that is pissed off that all that became of his life is being a clerk at a crappy golf course in Indiana and not in Augusta with the big boys and we were interrupting him.


Ok ASSHAT, I have 125 men on this golf course THAT THEY PAID TO PLAY ON that would prefer their water and beer be COLD. I dunno, something about it pushing 90 degrees at noon! I am sorry that your ice machine can’t keep up because this is a crappy clubhouse but, DUDE! You are within FIVE MINUTES of a) Wal-Mart b) Marsh c) Kroger d) Liquor store, and e) 100 other stores that carry ice and you have 4 teenagers running around here that could, I don’t know, maybe GO GET SOME FUCKING ICE!!


Well, that was my statement to him. I wasn’t there to make friends with him…Those guys out there in the heat wanting cold beer were PAYING me to get this for them!


And OH LORD, then we needed more beer because this is NOT a tea and crumpet group! It is Saturday, most of them were out last night and need the hair of the dog and OMG you are making money off them because they are BUYING YOUR BEER!


The only thing that saved that old man’s ass from being buried at the ninth hole was that the guy that set this up made a call and on the next trip to stock, we were treated with smiles and ice! And a different guy.


Then the fucker just grabbed our money bags and then handed us the rest to split between us girls. Umm…did I mention that I was hot and tired by this point and had enough of this guy?


“Umm, excuse me, that is MY MONEY until I hand it to you. You tell me what we owe you, I WILL HAND you that amount and you wait! I have done this for years and this has got to be the worst set-up I have ever dealt with. It is Saturday, in July, you know you have a planned group of around 150 coming with regulars coming in too and you can’t be bothered to be stocked. You do your job so I can do mine or next time I will bring my own stock and you will lose money. M’Kay?”


Needless to say when I got downstairs, I was met with lots of smiles from the guys. A lot of these guys have known me for years, I was their bartender for years, and we hang out occasionally. They said they were just wondering when it would happen.


Then another friend was having a cookout at his house for most of us so off we went to that. In more heat! We did the “make an appearance” thing and then four of us wanted a good stiff drink in A/C so we did that. We had a few COLD cocktails but then we were all fading fast. We got home and I swear I started stripping the minute I walked in the door. I needed a shower so bad! Oh how good that felt. I was in bed around 11:30!! HEAVEN!


Sunday was a kiss off day. Gregg swept and did some slight dusting and made a FANTASTIC roast for dinner, we played some golf on the Wii and was in bed by 10 pm. Until I woke up at 12:30 with one Mother of a hot flash! Was awake until 4 am trying to get that shit to stop. I’m talking the feet in the bath tub with cold water running, putting ice between the boobs, wanting to hurt someone type of flashes.


It’s Monday. Yippee! I have a full load this week as the Brickyard is this weekend and some friends always have a big party. He is the one that just had his prostate remove and Jan needs help so I opened the good old big mouth. I shall be busy. And they want FUCKING DEVILED EGGS!!


Ok, now that I wrote that novel, I am going to try to catch up with you guys until my phone rings with the first of my duties for the week.


Smile, we are picking daisies instead of pushing them up!