Will The Insanity Ever Stop!!

Back to Blogging!!

2011-10-06T20:50:00.002-05:00

Well, hmmm…guess I need to get back to this blogging thing as I have been gone too long. And there has been some things going on that I better get in writing before my senile mind forgets them.

Let’s go back and recap the parts that I remember, shall we.

March – cold, snow, cold, snow, yep, that about sums it up for Indiana weather.

April – All I remember from this month is that I was too damn excited to the 28th to come because it was time for the Annual Girls Trip to Florida. Oh my, what a trip that was. Just picture six women going 900 mile away from our men and children for a week. Some only went for five days but me and the BFF stayed two more days.

The fun started on the first day when the asshats limo driver tried to charge us more than I was quoted. See, I have some anal retentive habits and one of those is call CMA (cover my ass) sooooo I had printed out all of the emails just in case. Justin Case came in very handy. And they sucker screwed himself out of a $25 tip from some very cranky women. Then the owner had the balls to come back and still try to mess with me. WRONG move dude when I have been on the beach and at the pool for five days and drinking the day he wanted to rumble in the jungle. Really smart short, fat old man, I know some stuff and know how to take down dumb men (OK, so most of them are) but don’t play with me. You will lose!!

The first night we all ended up in the pool in our clothes. Right by the Tiki bar and man was that fun. Is it wrong when the bartenders remember you from the last year? Well, we got great service so I assuming that is a good thing, no?

Day two, just a chillin’ on the beach and pool and Tiki Bar and in our rooms and…..just fun.

I will not bore you will the rest of the week because it was a repeat of fun. We did go on a dolphin watch boat thingy that had the best driver that we got to mess with and he was hilarious. We met some friends that we will see again.

June – The boyfriend Gregg and I took 3 teenage boys to Kings Island for two day. I’ll let you picture that for a minute…………yep. Fanfuckintastic.

We leave at 9am with threats of rain. It is only about a 1 ½ to 2 hours drive from my house. Momma played smart and kept those kids up late so they would sleep on the way there. And they did. Except it RAINED like Hell THE ENTIRE TRIP. And I was driving. There were times that I was only doing 35 on the interstate. But I was a determined one, as we got in the parking lot the rain stopped.

We had rented a room for the night and it was crowded. The third child came at the last minute so they had to deal as Momma wasn’t putting out another $100 for a room for teenagers. Not happening no matter how much you whine. You may me my last child but you are not my first.

Ended up with a good time by all and no puking on the rides. Gregg drove home, I drank…oh shush…you would have too. Remember, THREE 14-15 year old boys in one car.

THEN the big thing came. Oh Hell this hurts. I had one of those damn birthday things. And, and, and….Oh Shit….I turned 45!!!!!!!!!!!!!! REALLY, how in the Hell did I get this old? REALLY? 45? If I had known I was going to live this long I would have taken better care of myself. Well, ok, maybe not but I wouldn’t have had that last kid to kill a good body. Ok, not even that, I would still have him.

Gregg did give me a nice surprise party with my friends and a CUTE cake and all that stuff. But he had the bartender put the candles on at 54 just to mess with me…asshole. The good news is I saved the candles as he will be 54 next year and I can reuse them. If I can resist putting a 1 in front that is.

The boy made it to 14….how I have no idea because that boy has pushed every button I have and then some I didn’t know about.

Ok, so I started this a month ago….I suck...oh how he wishes…but I have got to get back at this as life has been throwing me some shit that has tried to take me down.

One of my bestest, dearest, beloved, and so well missed passed on the 23rd. FUCK!!!!!!! God Bless America Cancer came into my life AGAIN!!!! I still have to do her burial this Saturday as the ass of Dr. didn’t sign her death certificate until today.

Jan Seprodi, I miss the living Hell out of you and life will never be the same!!

I have an AMAZING group of friends that we have all rallied around each other for this and I am SOOOO grateful for them!! And I hope I have helped them too.

This past two months have taught me to hold those you Love even closer as we age and shit happens.

Gone Missing

2011-03-15T05:31:00.000-05:00

Yep, gone again for awhile.

This life is keeping me busy. I miss all of you but don’t seeing me getting caught up for a few years.

SOOOOOO freaking much going on in my life I really don’t have them time to tell all!

Kid is still alive and hitting high school next year. ISP, EAP, high school………..I may need bail money.

Vacations I have booked….for me…..

We girls leave on April 28th for a week of fun, five of us this time, some only for five days, us older bitches for 7 days. This will be the first Mother’s Day in 10 years I have been home. Due to a scheduling thing but all good! Then we have Jimmy Buffet in August, and we have a few others in between. Brown County in September…and then the big one………….

I am going on a cruise to the Eastern Caribbean 2/12/2012 with Gregg and a few other friends. No one under the age of 45 allowed! OK, that will be me but hey!

I had a little something happen last month from my deceased hubby’s company that gave me extra money each month that I am spending this next 6 months and then sock that stuff away.

I do miss all of you but DAMMIT life likes to throw me curves and crap and then I run off on a tangent then….hell…you most know me.

I really got to get back to blogging because I need this vent instead of kicking the dogs and locking the kid in the closet….JK for reals! As far as you know!

The child is on the list for an accelerated classes for his freshman class with Engineering skills and ...yada...yada….they are trying to hurt my brain talking about all of this as I have ANOTHER meeting this month.

I have been living a wonderfully fucked up exciting confused and delirious life. Can bitch about it but...it’s my life and I LOVE every moment about it…almost! I've lived through it!

Hell, ain’t nobody getting out of this alive!!!

Long Time

2011-03-14T22:10:00.000-05:00

Just Say No!

2011-01-27T06:41:00.002-06:00

My spare bedroom and laundry have been the pits for a few months. As in, I wouldn’t let my best friend in there and she has seen me at the worst.

I have been going through crap around here to have a garage sale in the spring so shit is piling up. And the books, OMFG, I have WAY too many books. Connie had given me a 6 foot tall bookcase and I already had one. One was in my laundry and I decided it was time to get those organized.

So I had to move all of the books off of bookcase #1 onto case #2. Mind you, these are hardback books. I fill up #1 and still have three shelves full. Have to move them into the room so I can move #2. Then move it. Put all of the books on the shelves. And I had two boxes of books that were my Mom’s I had stacked away.

I now have 2 6 foot tall bookcases and one 4 foot tall full of books and 4 milk crates full of paperbacks I am selling.

Now in between all of this, 5 loads of laundry from all of the crap pile around and moving the damn bed TWICE and mopping, sweeping, dusting and just in general cleaning……

I threw my back out. As in SIT THE HELL DOWN AND DON’T BREATH hurt! Walking to the bathroom felt like someone was stabbing me with a hot poker right above my ass. Not IN it but above it.

Thank you Jebus that I saved my pain meds from my last surgery. Nothing like a little Percocet high to make you forget things hurt. I haven’t been able to sit up to get on here and luckily didn’t have anywhere I had to go.

But…..I have three peoples taxes to get done and I am pretty sure being doped up is not a good time to play with the IRS.

So far today, it is at a tolerable level as long as I don’t try to walk so I am attempting to get some work done today.

If come April I get hauled away by the Feds, you will know I should have just said NO to cleaning!!

Nothing good can ever coming from cleaning. I am convinced!!

But the rooms look great.

MIA.and back!

2011-01-19T11:22:00.000-06:00

So, are you ready for some more lame excuses as to where I have been?

Well, I have been right here but busy.

I have been finding ways to make money on this little black box I am always on and dammit, I have been!!

I do a bunch of surveys and crap and people pay me. No, I am not making a killing but so far around $100 in about 2 weeks and entered a shitload of contest to hopefully win the crap I can’t afford.

I am also reviewing some books and get paid for that so I am not ALWAYS on the ‘puter.

I also am taking classes on becoming a travel agent. Yep, I figured I am always the one that people come to find them the best deal on trips, I may as well start getting paid for it.

I am currently working on the most important one. Our Annual Girl’s Trip to Florida. This year will be a record, I think, of FIVE of us going. Do you have ANY idea how hard it is to please FIVE women at once?

So far we have picked the date because we always go over Mother’s Day so that part was easy. We will stay at our usual hotels so another easy-peasy.

The shit starts when I have some going for 5 days and others, like me, going for seven. And some of them require more room than others and some won’t take a shower so they have to have a bathtub!

Meh, it will all work out. I have a great bunch of girls because mostly they say tell us where to be and what time and don’t lose us in the airport or the ocean.

I am also working on a few small trips for us and a couple of others for a few guys so, yep, I need to get paid for this.

In other news, everyone is alive and kicking. This is the first time in A LONG TIME that all of us have been bitten by some kind of bug. I didn’t get the shot this year and I can promise you, I won’t forget next year.

I need to get back to blogging because I miss you all and I am always thinking about it as crap builds up in my head and then it wants to asplode and that is not good.

It this damn weather. We have had snow since the first part of December and more coming tomorrow. I am going to start going to the tanning bed or I may go postal soon.

I also have started exercising (oh hush, for real) to lose some weight and so far I have lost about 4 pounds.

So see, I have been doing stuff but not on Multiply or Blogger. I know, I know, bad friend! I should be sent somewhere south to think about my actions.

I now have to go get in the shower because I haven’t for 2 days and go do stuff I have managed to put off for the last week.

I also need to come up with a name for my website for the travel thing. Any ideas from you smart people? I am not above bribing you to help me here.

Coming out of the Shadows

2011-01-14T10:14:00.000-06:00

I am coming out to all of the blogs I have been following and not commenting. I am also am going to get back to blogging more myself. Kind of taken a mini-blogcation!

So, How's Your Monday?

2010-09-27T10:22:00.000-05:00

THANK YOU everybody!! I am still madder than a wet cat with his pecker stuck in an electric fence but I am OK. My phone has been blowing up and I didn't get to bed until 8 am and then up at 11 am. I is tired. I have a letter started to Steve but I am going to have to calm the Hell down and read it and delete parts and pretend I don't want to kill anyone.

This weekend ha really tried to kill me due to kids. I am seriously considering packing my shit and running away from home.

Saturday night Andrew went with a bunch of kids to go to a haunted house. With an adult "Father" and I thought it was all good. I don't let him just go with anybody and had talked to the guy, knew where they were going, what time they would be back, and all of that jazz.

He was suppose to be home at 10 pm. Nope, not here. Call the Dad's cell phone...no answer!! Waited not so patiently...11 pm...12 am...ONE FREAKING THIRTY my kids strolls in and the fucking Dad DID NOT drop him...made him walk home!!!! And won't answer his cell phone AT ALL!

I managed to stay out of jail that night and all day yesterday.

I knew that my daughter was going to be on the show but had told Andrew that due to the contract she had to sign, she wasn't allowed to say what happened until it aired. Well, I did forget it was on and was pleasurably laying on the couch watching Brothers & Sisters when my sister called and told me to click over to Undercover Boss.....FML!!!!!

I know that Tom and my Mom rolled over in their graves when that shit aired. I have pictures of the crib I gave her, all of the nursery stuff that was IN MY HOUSE IN HER BEDROOM and a gazillion pics of her and Brandon in my house. Yep, I threw her out. That is why I took her to every damn doctor appointment, made sure she took her vitamins, held her damn head while she had morning sickness all damn day, and was in the damn surgery room when she had to had an emergency c-section. WITH BOTH OF my grandkids.

She CHOSE to move out with the baby at around 10 months when I refused to let her drug-infested-sticky fingered boyfriend/baby daddy move into my house. She and the baby were so welcome. Never him.

I taught her to be a Bitch and stand up for herself but she has totally forgot who the master is and it will bite her in the ass.

Wednesday Whatnots!

2010-09-08T06:16:00.002-05:00

No, I didn’t do a Tuesday Ten because you really wouldn’t have wanted those thoughts. I was woken up around 1:00am and couldn’t go back to sleep to save my life. And I didn’t go to bed until 11:30 so, nope, no good thoughts were present yesterday.

Now I will commence with spewing all kinds of crap for your pleasure!

Labor Day weekend was just that. Well, on Sunday it was. Gregg, Andy, and I did some deep cleaning around here. We cooked out some awesome steaks and fresh corn and all kinds of yummy goodness. I bought one of those little watermelons that don’t look like much but WOW the amount I got out of it and it was soooo sweet. I won’t bring up the fact that I have them growing in the garden and SOME male around here didn’t tell me there was one out there that I could have had.

Why is it that I can sweep this house twice a week but I always seem to find a little dog I didn’t know I had each time? Seriously, the hair we sweep up is maddening!! It is no wonder all of our noses used to constantly run and now they don’t!

My car window has been funky since I bought the car but last Thursday it went down and REFUSED to go back up. I have had that issue before as in every time you go to a drive-thru it was a crap shoot as to if it would work or not. I called my handy man, aka Jimmy, to see if he could help as they SAY we will get rain this weekend. He came and got the car, fixed it, just got it back in the driveway and OMG, a quick shower hit!! Guess I had a little good Karma come my way.

I have a semi-mess going on and may need bail money (again). We have these “friends” that bug the hell out of all of us but they keep showing up and we are adults and deal with it but they are just about to blow my gaskets.

When we get together for cookouts and such they do the minimum that they can get by with and then sit around drinking beer. He attempts to help the guys but ends up being more in the way than not. Well, here is the dilemma of the day…the asshats has been on unemployment for almost 2 years after getting fired for sexual harassment. Yes, he goes there a lot and I have had to put him in his place more than I can count.

His 60th birthday is the weekend we go to Brown County and he also has filed for retirement. Yes, he’s retiring from unemployment. Go ahead; shake your head like I am. Anyway, he brings this up E.V.E.R.Y.T.I.M.E. we are together. He has it in his head that we are going to do something for him that weekend. NOOOOOOOO…we are not!!! We will hand him a card and say congrats and go on.

Well, last night, while I am COMPLETELY sleep deprived and had a few cocktails, his wife brings it up. SHE wants one of us to pick up a cake for him. I was not a nice person. She probably got the hint when I said “NO Fucking way, I am doing enough for this weekend and it damn sure ain’t all about him! We are already getting all of the food together that YOU will be getting a bill for your share but this is MY vacation too!” I had more cocktails because I have awesome friends that like to snicker when I bring out my evil twin. So, we will see how shit goes down.

Hot Date!

2010-08-27T05:37:00.000-05:00

Ok, so yesterday I did 12 loaves of mf'ing zucchini bread and 5 gallons of salsa. I passed that stuff off to anybody that got within 5 feet of me last night. I have 2 loaves left and a couple of containers of salsa.

And just for the record, yes, I have to do 2 dozen deviled eggs tomorrow for a picnic at the VFW!

THEN.......................

I am going to go jump...I mean see this:

And this:

With 5 of the best wimmin's in my life!!

TTT!

2010-08-24T08:35:00.002-05:00

Haven’t done this for a few weeks but now that the house is relatively quiet during the day I can get thoughts in a somewhat order. HA, like you thought that was going to happen.

1. School has been good so far. I am dealing with new teachers that I had not been warned about! This 8th grade teacher and I will probably not make it through the year. I AM NOT the student and will NOT be treated as such. Andy had a small melt down, and for him I do mean small. She calls while I am in the shower, I get the voice mail. Oh shit, English is rough for her…I can’t understand her phone number well at all and haven’t a clue what the name is. Sounded like…ARGLUDISJFFKEL! I get another one yesterday to tell me how WELL he is doing. Ok, I like positive reinforcement but lady, please. He is growing out of a lot of his issues so just let him be, for your sake.

2. I woke up Sunday morning to three of the largest zucchini’s I have seen in awhile. With a recipe for creamy zucchini pie in the bag, on my front porch. Any guesses as to what I am to do with them? I have a few ideas but then they would be inedible.

3. I already have a counter full of tomato’s that I am (was) suppose to have made salsa out of by tonight. Not seeing that in my future today.

4. I think I am having my PMS without the cervix and uterus. Sorry guys had to throw that in there.

5. Why am I breaking out like a teenager when I am in my **cough**cough** 40’s? I didn’t have zits when I was young, why in the Hell now?

6. Like Erin said, where in the Hell is the rain? I hadn’t realized I moved to the desert! Tired of heat, humidity and watering the garden every night. Hey, maybe that is the key, quit watering the damn thing, it will quit growing…..hmmmm….may be onto something here.

7. I think I am going to eat the rest of my T-bone steak very shortly. Steak is good protein for breakfast. Well, it is in my world. Maybe a couple of eggs. Mine haven’t been recalled…I don’t think. If you don’t hear from me, we will know the truth.

8. That brings me to a controversial topic. And I hope to not piss anybody off but this is my blog and my thoughts and you have been warned. When I was a kid, damn sounding old, we played in dirt, we ATE dirt, we were not bombarded with Mom’s constantly wanting to rub us down with anti-bacterial crap. Are we still alive? Hell yes. IN MY OPINION, it is the keeping germs off of the kids that are causing them to constantly be sick if a germ gets within a foot of them. Now, I do know some kids are just born with a low immune system, I KNOW THIS and am not saying all Mom’s do this. But with school starting it is totally being shoved down our throat. All three of my kids have made it without ever being touched with the stuff. I WAS LUCKY that my kids did have GREAT immune systems and we didn’t have too many of the ear nose, and throat issues so I am blessed in that department. But when people act like I am a bad Mother because I won’t insist that he carry a bottle of that stuff in his pocket, it sends me to a dark, dark place.

9. Only three more weeks until a mini-cation. For those of you that asked, every year a bunch of us go to Brown County, Indiana for a three day weekend. It is a small town in the hills that has a bunch of little shops of handmade crap that you have to buy and then dust for the rest of your life. Lots of little restaurants to eat weird stuff in. We do a cookout at the hotel on Friday night, walk around the whole town on Saturday which includes a stop at a little winery where you can get a bottle of wine, cheese, and crackers and sit on the covered patio and just enjoy. Then we have a DD that drives us around for a couple of hours and then back to the little bar behind the hotel. There are 18 of going this year. ALWAYS a great time.

10. And that will be Gregg’s last vacation of the year!! I love him home but he gets too restless if he doesn’t have something to do which sends me crazy and it just turns into Crazy town around here.

11. Why does his company insist that they make the vacation schedule in December? Do you have any idea how hard it is to schedule 5 weeks of vacation a year in advance? There are 2 weeks we know for sure then it is a crap shoot. Do you know what you are going to want to do a year from now?

12. OK, so there ya have it sports fans! I am off to….dunno…but it will not involve any vegetables!

Hello!!

2010-08-20T12:12:00.000-05:00

hello there........................

Thought For The Day

GOOD looks catch the eye but a GOOD personality catches the heart.

You're blessed with both!'

Flattered???

Don't be,
this message was sent to ME!!

I just wanted YOU to read it :)

Send it on....
it'll make someone else's day!!

Tee Hee!

2010-08-17T10:40:00.000-05:00

MEDICAL RESEARCH

Australian Medical Association researchers have found that patients needing blood transfusions may benefit from receiving chicken blood

rather than human blood.

It tends to make the men cocky and the women lay better....

Just thought you'd like to know.

BLESSED ARE THOSE WHO ARE CRACKED,

FOR THEY ARE THE ONES WHO LET IN THE LIGHT!

OK, I'll be going to my room now.

**************************************************************************************************

Monday Musings!

2010-08-16T09:31:00.000-05:00

I’M SO EXCITED!

You do know what tomorrow is, dontcha’?

My kid goes back to school. Hallelujah pass the wine!

My two days, well, one and half, were fantabulous. Connie came on Thursday and we just sort of chilled out at the VFW for a little bit and then back here. On Friday, we did some retail therapy, got pedicures and then commenced with the “Chill the fuck out day” at her house! We sat, talked, drank, ate fajitas (See Marty, told ya, EVERY TIME!) I can’t tell you how much I needed that.

On Wednesday night, a friend texted me asking and I quote, “A big batch of my mostest delicious deviled eggs for a friend’s bachelor party on Saturday”. I am sure someone heard the big “Fuck me running, I don’t wanna”. But we KNOW I would never say that to friend so of course I texted her back, Yes Dear.

So on Friday morning before we get moving I decided to go ahead and cook the eggs and then Saturday when I get home I will finish and deliver them. I know, there is no end to my brilliance.

Friday night while sitting on the Tiki Bar back porch, I hear my phone beep telling me I have a text message.

“Don’t so the eggs we already have some”….Fuck me again!

So now I have 2 ½ dozen cooked eggs in my fridge. Eggs salad anyone?

All is good and I will throw one or two at her tomorrow when I see here.

Yesterday was FOOTBALL!! Yes, Colts lost but that was to be expected in preseason.

I made THE MOST TASTIEST pork tenderloin, a big ole pan of fresh green beans straight out of my garden and mac&cheese. El Yummo!

I got to tell you the recipe the guy gave me after I had tasted his….his exact words were...

“First you fork your pork to death!!!” “Really fork it good!”

“Then you rub your pork very liberally with Mrs. Dash, garlic salt and then worchestershire sauce. Wrap that rascal and let sit for at least 6 hours. “

Now, if you knew this guy, you would have lost it because he didn’t really realize what he was saying and when he did, his face was all shades of red and the entire places lost it.

So I forked the pork! Really good!

Any who, today we have a couple of meetings this afternoon, laundry to get done and tomorrow at 6:45 I will be one the most happiest Momma’s…well along with probably 5000 other Mothers in this township!

I figure since I have done just the minimum of house cleaning in the last three weeks, I should do something this week. My computer room would be condemned if anyone saw it. I did get Andy to do his bathroom. Not totally up to my standards but, meh, I didn’t have to do it!

Trying to catch up with everyone slowly as some of you have been busy too! If I miss anybody, please forgive me. Now that school is back, I will have my free time back and won’t get so far behind…unless I get busy with life again.

Thursday Confessions

2010-08-12T07:20:00.000-05:00

1. I confess that I woke up this morning not knowing what day it was until I went out and got the paper!

2. I confess that I is tired!

3. I confess that my BFF is coming in town tonight to spend the night with me.

4. I confess I will NOT be sober tonight and possibly not tomorrow.

5. I confess my house is a mess and I am okay with that....for today and tomorrow.

6. Ii confess that I am making my 13 year old clean the bathroom, including the toilet.

There, I have confessed and now I must go run eleventy billion errands I haven't been able to do. Including a stop at the liquor store. Oh hush...I deserve this one. I have been so good lately it's about to make ME puke.

700 Mile In 700 Minutes

2010-08-11T21:31:00.000-05:00

Where do I start…let’s start with over 700 miles on my car and almost two weeks of adventures and counting.

Sunday the 1st. two of my friends bailed on the girl trip back from taking Andy to camp but one was all over it! Sissy asses drank too much the night before. Jebus girls, we are not leaving until 2:30,

Drove to Nashville, In, winding roads after I hit 135 after some dumbass decided to wrap his truck and 5th wheel around a telephone pole. Got the kid in camp and seriously Jan and I even said as we were leaving…………Thelma & Louise!!!

But without the driving off of a cliff!! Cars paid for so I have to baby it!

Stopped once we got back in to OUR town. ..A couple of beers…lots of GREAT convo…home…………….AHHHHH…..no child.

Tuesday……….Gregg and I have already planned to go to the Riverboat and have Jimmy to take care of Dumb and Dumber aka the dogs. I get my shower and nothing wrong, Gregg gets in and just about that time he is yelling at me.

Ummmmmm…….guess who forgot to pay the bill???? You get NO reprieve around here……not pretty.

I run up and pay it real quick with no make-up and still in jammies…please don’t picture that…scars for life……

This was at 10 am….Gregg soaked in soap…almost laughed bit I still have the will to live…I keep 2 gallons of water on hand in case Armageddon ever happens so I handed him a jug and “So, go rinse off”

I refuse to tell you the answer I got!!

Sooooo…..we get on the road to the boat around 2:30……………..the first night we won about 400….

The next morning HE decided we will stay that night too.

I have to tell he got promoted to PLATIUM status before we went so we had VIP treatment the whole way. We paid for nothing except for our cash they took!!

Came home Thursday night, met friends, confirmed the reservations that I make every year for our trip to Brown County next month, found out two that broke up during the year are now together again…

Should I mention this is a group of 10 couples? Twenty fucking people that I have to coordinate which damn Day they will be there……….where’s my beer and chute?

Friday ....State Fair Day….Corndogs, pork chops, corn on the cob, rib eye sammiches, sweet tea, pineapple whips…..see the pattern?

Saturday…Go to Nashville to get Andy…Momma burnt out….have dinner date with friends….fuck

Sunday, breathe

Monday………..SOMEBODY needs to clean around here…I don’t pick me!

Tuesday.... ‘I had to fight Downtown traffic for ONE piece of paper that took me 2 hours to do and only 15 minutes in that office!!! We go the drawing we always go to...Momma won

$600!!!

Tomorrow, My BFF is coming to me around 5 pm…we are chillaxin until we can’t and then…..pedicures with a driver………

Can you say MARGARITA DAY?

I WON’T EVEN GO INTO THE GET THE KID READY TO GO BACK TO SCHOOL CRAP……seriously…$50.00for a fucking calculator…and I have a perfectly good abacus on the shelf!!!

Some are Old, Some are Not!

2010-07-20T11:49:00.000-05:00

A few good Senior Moments

Garage Door The boss walked into the office one morning not knowing his zipper was down and his fly area wide open. His assistant walked up to him and said, 'This morning when you left your house, did you close your garage door?' The boss told her he knew he'd closed the garage door, and walked into his office puzzled by the question.

As he finished his paperwork, he suddenly noticed his fly was open, and zipped it up. He then understood his assistant's question about his 'garage door.'

He headed out for a cup of coffee and paused by her desk to ask, 'When my garage door was open, did you see my Hummer parked in there?'

She smiled and said, 'No, I didn't. All I saw was an old mini van with two flat tires..

An elderly gentleman....
Had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%
The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, 'Your hearing is perfect.. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again.'
The gentleman replied, 'Oh, I haven't told my family yet.
I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!'

Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says: 'Slim, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How do you feel?'
Slim says, 'I feel just like a newborn baby.'
'Really!? Like a newborn baby!?'
'Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.'

An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen..
The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, 'Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great.. I would recommend it very highly.'
The other man said, 'What is the name of the restaurant?'
The first man thought and thought and finally said, 'What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love?
You know.... The one that's red and has thorns.'

'Do you mean a rose?'
'Yes, that's the one,' replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, 'Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?'

Hospital regulations require a wheel chair for patients being discharged. However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet, who insisted he didn't need my help to leave the hospital.
After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator.
On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him.
'I don't know,' he said. 'She's still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown.'

Couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things. During a checkup, the doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember ..
Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair. 'Want anything while I'm in the kitchen?' he asks.
'Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?'
'Sure..'
'Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?' she asks.
'No, I can remember it.'
'Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write it down, so as not to forget it?'
He says, 'I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries.'
'I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, write it down?' she asks.
Irritated, he says, 'I don't need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake!'
Then he toddles into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes, The old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs.. She stares at the plate for a moment.
'Where's my toast ?'

A senior citizensaid to his eighty-year old buddy:
'So I hear you're getting married?'
'Yep!'
'Do I know her?'
'Nope!'
'This woman, is she good looking?'
'Not really.'
'Is she a good cook?'
'Naw, she can't cook too well.'
'Does she have lots of money?'
'Nope! Poor as a church mouse.'
'Well, then, is she good in bed?'
'I don't know.'
'Why in the world do you want to marry her then?'
'Because she can still drive!'

Three old guysare out walking.
First one says, 'Windy, isn't it?'
Second one says, 'No, it's Thursday!'
Third one says, 'So am I. Let's go get a beer..'

A man was telling his neighbor, 'I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art.. It's perfect.'
'Really,' answered the neighbor . 'What kind is it?'
'Twelve thirty..'

Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical.
A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.
A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, 'You're really doing great, aren't you?'
Morris replied, 'Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.''
The doctor said, 'I didn't say that.. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur; be careful.'

One more. . .......!
A little old manshuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool.. After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split.
The waitress asked kindly, 'Crushed nuts?'
'No,' he replied, 'Arthritis.'

Now , before you 'forget', send them on to some other folks you know who could use a good laugh !!

Monday..TG!!

2010-07-19T12:35:00.002-05:00

Trying to catch up with all of you…man… you guys get busy when I do!

Friday was a great day. I got up, piddled around here and finally got my shit together. I needed to go to Jimmy’s and work on some pop up thing on his computer. I finally got him in the 20th century about a year ago and now he thinks I know it all when it comes to computers. I am not a geek but most times I can fix my own stuff. The one thing that I haven’t totally figured out is Vista but I do think it sucks. I have had Windows XP since it came out and I know that shit. I am installing windows 7 soon because it is easier.

So I do all of the girlie things and am about to walk out the door to do that, go get beer and ice for the concert and hit the ATM! Connie calls and said she happened to get off work early and is almost to my house! Yippee…day starting earlier.

She walks in with a jug of Margaritas and a case of beer!!! Can you see where this is going? It is only 1:30 pm. We are meeting the other girls at 4-4:30!!!

We fix a margarita, run to get ice, go to Jimmy’s, and are back here by 2:30! Life is good! Now before you go yelling at me for drinking and driving, I want to point out that the entire drive to do all of the above errands is ¼ mile circle that only lands me on public property for 3 seconds! And I did that before I had drunk a quarter of it.

Anywho, I had already arranged for Jimmy to take us to the bar to meet the rest of the gang. We meet up at 4:00 and if you think Marty and Carol talked…try getting 7 women together in one place. OMFG!! I have some of the greatest friends. One new person to the group was Tammy’s Mom that was in town from Atlanta. Georgia visiting so we managed to get her a ticket to go with us.

God I love southern woman and that twang! And funny…OMG, I could just take her home and keep her. I had only met her once at Tammy’s wedding last year but you would think we were long lost friends she hadn’t seen in years!!

The concert….Well, the first part with Garry Allen SUCKED BIG ONES! I have always liked him. He came out swilling on a bottle of Jack and immediately started singing every cry in your beer song he knew!! His wife committed suicide a few years ago and he hasn’t gotten over it yet, obviously!

And that day was a kind of sucky day that was at the back of my mind all day was that it was 7 years ago that Tom died and I had a good cry in the morning and then said “Pull up you big girl panties and get on with it”! And I did well until that fucker started singing. I had a quick pity party of one for about 5 minutes but I had a swarm around me that gave me big hugs and then it was over.

Brooks & Dunn were awesome though! As soon as they started, SEVEN middle-aged women were dancing around like fools.

It was hotter than Hell until the sun went down but all ended well. We managed to crawl in bed around 1 am since I had to get up at 7 am the next morning for the golf shit.

The day started good as it was only 80 degrees at 10 am. Then I had to deal with a man older than dirt that is pissed off that all that became of his life is being a clerk at a crappy golf course in Indiana and not in Augusta with the big boys and we were interrupting him.

Ok ASSHAT, I have 125 men on this golf course THAT THEY PAID TO PLAY ON that would prefer their water and beer be COLD. I dunno, something about it pushing 90 degrees at noon! I am sorry that your ice machine can’t keep up because this is a crappy clubhouse but, DUDE! You are within FIVE MINUTES of a) Wal-Mart b) Marsh c) Kroger d) Liquor store, and e) 100 other stores that carry ice and you have 4 teenagers running around here that could, I don’t know, maybe GO GET SOME FUCKING ICE!!

Well, that was my statement to him. I wasn’t there to make friends with him…Those guys out there in the heat wanting cold beer were PAYING me to get this for them!

And OH LORD, then we needed more beer because this is NOT a tea and crumpet group! It is Saturday, most of them were out last night and need the hair of the dog and OMG you are making money off them because they are BUYING YOUR BEER!

The only thing that saved that old man’s ass from being buried at the ninth hole was that the guy that set this up made a call and on the next trip to stock, we were treated with smiles and ice! And a different guy.

Then the fucker just grabbed our money bags and then handed us the rest to split between us girls. Umm…did I mention that I was hot and tired by this point and had enough of this guy?

“Umm, excuse me, that is MY MONEY until I hand it to you. You tell me what we owe you, I WILL HAND you that amount and you wait! I have done this for years and this has got to be the worst set-up I have ever dealt with. It is Saturday, in July, you know you have a planned group of around 150 coming with regulars coming in too and you can’t be bothered to be stocked. You do your job so I can do mine or next time I will bring my own stock and you will lose money. M’Kay?”

Needless to say when I got downstairs, I was met with lots of smiles from the guys. A lot of these guys have known me for years, I was their bartender for years, and we hang out occasionally. They said they were just wondering when it would happen.

Then another friend was having a cookout at his house for most of us so off we went to that. In more heat! We did the “make an appearance” thing and then four of us wanted a good stiff drink in A/C so we did that. We had a few COLD cocktails but then we were all fading fast. We got home and I swear I started stripping the minute I walked in the door. I needed a shower so bad! Oh how good that felt. I was in bed around 11:30!! HEAVEN!

Sunday was a kiss off day. Gregg swept and did some slight dusting and made a FANTASTIC roast for dinner, we played some golf on the Wii and was in bed by 10 pm. Until I woke up at 12:30 with one Mother of a hot flash! Was awake until 4 am trying to get that shit to stop. I’m talking the feet in the bath tub with cold water running, putting ice between the boobs, wanting to hurt someone type of flashes.

It’s Monday. Yippee! I have a full load this week as the Brickyard is this weekend and some friends always have a big party. He is the one that just had his prostate remove and Jan needs help so I opened the good old big mouth. I shall be busy. And they want FUCKING DEVILED EGGS!!

Ok, now that I wrote that novel, I am going to try to catch up with you guys until my phone rings with the first of my duties for the week.

Smile, we are picking daisies instead of pushing them up!

For Me! No Comments needed

2010-07-17T21:07:00.000-05:00

I'm doing it!! Seven years without you. Fucking sucks. I am doing it. I look at our son every day and I remember every moment. I keep pictures of you in the house for Andrew (me) and You are so missed He has your build and my good looks!!

Do you remember in awe were supposed to get married this year on a beach? 2010!

Then you popped the WORST NEWS ANYONE CAN EVERY HEAR

Stage 4 Cancer

Then I popped up with I always wanted to get married on the beach..You answer...we are goin.yanto??

Our 2 week before we leave to drive to Panama City Beach with a 2 and 9 year boys in July pack all of this crap up plan a wedding finad dress licensewalmart for food to feed these kids fun sports plugin TV that used VHS stop every 60 seconds because "he" had to pee are we there yet and Thank God they slept until Alabama....oops..that was both boys and me!!

Tuesday Ten and Then Some!

2010-07-06T13:18:00.002-05:00

Yep Tuesday! THANK YOU JEBUS!!! Gregg is back to work and I am in peace. I love it when he is off but then it gets to the point of GO AWAY!! Jimmy was supposed to take him fishing one day but I wore them out doing the floor. Let’s see if I can remember my last week?!?!?

Monday – Ripped out all of the old carpet and padding. Was anxious to start but my friend John that does it for a living needed his tools that day so we had to wait until Tuesday. Messed around getting a gazillion and ten staples out of the floor. Not Fun!

Tuesday – Got a late start but started. Jimmy and I couldn’t get the stuff to snap together like it was suppose to and we had about 7 rows done and decided to take it up and try again. Ok, round two, we were getting the ends to snap but not the sides. At this point we are about 5 hours in to messing with this. I am hot, tired and just downright frustrated. We quit and I figure I will be seeing John in a couple of hours and ask him what the Hell we are doing wrong. I will not embarrass myself with the laughter I heard from two people that do this stuff every day. Thank God I was drinking! Hey, it was Gregg’s B-Day, I HAD to!!

Wednesday – We try, and try, and even had another friend come over to help. One of my other friends, Mark, told me if I needed help to call him and he would come by and help. HELLO, HELP! He walked in and in all of maybe a minute had us going. Well, when I say “us” it is relative. I got to watch as three testosterone fueled males took it over. I got to lay boards out for them and go get them lunch at three different place but WTH, I am getting floor! They work until about 6 that night.

Thursday – They are back at it at 9:30 – 10:00. They work until about 7:30 that night but it is done. And I totally love it. Well, all except the part of having 8 little paws with nails tromping across it. They can’t hurt it but the racket, OMFG!!! Then I went drinking! It was one of the guys B-Day so it was only fair that I took him for a few drinks for all of his work.

Friday – The part I left out of the above is that when John came over on Wednesday to haul away the old stuff he informed us that on Thursday he was having his Prostate removed!!!! WTF???? He had Prostate Cancer!!! I knew from Jan that he had been having a bunch of test but they kept it real quiet! Bastards! The surgery went well but then that night his temp went up and his stomach was filling with fluid. They had to back in and find out why. Well, he had a hole in his colon. One that wasn’t there when he had the first surgery!! Got that fixed but then his heartbeat was too high. And they couldn’t get his oxygen up to the right level. He was fighting the breathing mask so they had to sedate him and put him on a ventilator!!

Sunday and yesterday they were able to get him to breathe on his own and took it off on Monday. He is now expected to make a full recovery from surgery. They are 99% sure they got all of the cancer too!!

Saturday – This day was all about putting all of my crap back. I can say for once in a long while that EVERYTHING is dusted, windexed and clean. If you want to see it, you better hurry because it won’t last and Lord knows when it will look like this again!

Sunday - More cleaning and cooking and then we blew the street up and watched fireworks. I cooked hamburgers, hotdogs, brats, baked beans, mac & cheese, tater salad, corn on the cob, cantaloupe, and strawberries with angel food cake! Oh, and I had a few cocktails while watching. Okay, maybe more than a few! Long week people and it was the country’s B-day!!

Monday – Didn’t do a damn thing!

I tried last week to find a battery for my camera and couldn’t but didn’t have time to run everywhere. Will do it this week and give you before and after shots soon.

Today – All the shit I couldn’t do with a house full of men and one very needy one that is safely at work!

A Rare View!!

2010-07-06T10:37:00.000-05:00

I "Think" I Fixed the Pics!!

2010-07-06T07:25:00.000-05:00

I think I figured out how to change pics from bitmap to jpeg!! Mebbe!

This first one is the one I tried to poast a while back that treminded me of Rick & Marty!!

What Did You Say?

2010-07-05T11:59:00.000-05:00

What did you say?

Maeci's Ride

2010-06-26T05:21:00.002-05:00

Yes, I am up at the butt crack of dawn. No, wait, that bitch isn’t even up yet. Why may you or may not ask? I am doing a good deed today and it is worth it.

A good friend of mine works with a couple whose daughter is dying from Cancer. Fucking sucks is the best description of the situation. They are the average run of the mill family that is just trying to have the American dream. Both parents work a factory job with decent pay and were gliding along until BAM!! Hodgkin’s Lymphoma comes knocking at their door. Actually, the door of their 6 year old daughter.

A little history. My Tom helped start the Miracle Ride for Riley here in Indy over 13 years ago. The last one I did with him was a month before he died. Picture in your head about 6000, yes 6000, motorcycles in one place at one time to raise money for sick kids. The committee spent the whole year putting this together. The first weekend in June was spent in a hotel room for quick naps and then working out in the sun. Every minute was worth it. Totally. I did it the first year after he died but it just became too much and me crying through the whole weekend was just too much for me.

Anywho, today I will be working another ride for Maeci. This one is only about 150 riders but that is OK. As someone that knows about the bills and crap dealing with Cancer, they can use every dime we can get. I was recruited to work the “Give me all of your money and shut up” table. My friends know me. I don’t take NO real well. See, they have to pay me their $25 to do the ride, sign the waiver and then I am selling tickets for stuff. We will have a 50/50 drawing and raffle of some other crap. But they will pay to do this. Trust me! **inserting my evil grin here**

The only bitch about this is I have to wear a BLACK t-shirt and it is supposed to get up in the 90’s today. So all of you people that are languishing by the pool or sitting in the a/c watching a movie, BITE ME!!

But if I can do something to help these people that are losing their daughter, so be it. At the end of the day I can go home and hug my kid and be grateful.

Maeci was to be at the last stop of the ride but this week her health has went downhill and she will not be allowed to leave the hospital as originally planned.

So my friends, that is my day. Tomorrow is a day of rest and then Monday…the new floor will be going in. Try thinking of Moe, Larry, and Curly putting in laminate flooring and that is what my house will look like on Monday. And Tuesday. And probably Wednesday.

Hope you all have a great day and stay cool and enjoy living.

Now, go hug your kid. Because you can.

Ten Thought Tuesday

2010-06-22T10:33:00.002-05:00

I know, I know…repeating myself…bad blogger here!

Will do Ten Thoughts but if it goes into 75, it is totally not my fault.

1. It always seems that I blog less in the summer well…because it is summer and there is stuff do outside and inside and here and there and everywhere!

2. I had to go renew my license thanks to that birthday crap and that sucks in this state. Was easy to do and took no time but then they give you a freaking piece of paper to carry and then the mail your license to you!! And EVERYTHING you do here you have to show ID. When we went to the concert Thursday night, I went to the State Police tent to get my stamp that says I am old enough to buy beer and the Freaking cop looked at me like I was an alien. DUDE, you are a cop, this has been the law for a year and you don’t know what I just handed you? Here’s your sign!

3. This summer I swore that I was going to do a bunch of crap around here that I have wanted to do since I bought the place and dammit, it is getting done.

4. I have a little over 400 square feet of laminate that I, yes I, am going to attempt to lay in the living room next week. I watch A LOT of HGTV and have seen it done and have watched “how-to” videos on the Innerwebz so off I go! I have a straight shot for the first 200 or so and that will be easy. Then we have the fireplace, which is at an angle and then the kitchen doorway which is also at an angle and then I have 5 doors to do. And then all of the quarter round or baseboard to do. Did I mention this requires electric saws which while I have used in the past, requires the formulation of how to cut angles?? Let’s pray that my new name will not be Happy Three Fingers when this is over.

5. All of the new lights have been hung and I is in Love!! I have one dilemma though. I have white doors and they just seem to clash with the blue and tan but think it would be over kill to paint them as well. Not in the budget for all new wood doors either. I did paint the back of the front door and it looks good.

6. Yes, I have before pics and will have after when it is done. And when I either fix the new camera or buy another one. Sigh!

7. The garden is doing great now that we have had to replant a shitload of crap thanks to SOMEONE, whose name begins with G, over sprayed the weed killer and umm…killed the garden.

8. Did I mention that we only have about 28 tomato plants out there now? No, I didn’t but I will be in salsa and canned tomato hell right around September. Do you like yours hot or mild?

9. We also have cucumbers, cabbage, about 18 green beans, watermelon, jalapeño’s, green pepper, and for some ungodly reason, we ended up with 6 zucchini plants. Do you know how bad that can get? Wonder if zucchini bread travels well through the USPS?

10. Gregg is on vacation next week again. Please pray for me! I love that man to death but he is the most restless person I know and always needs to be doing stuff. I am hoping to work on the floor while he is off so he can help with the furniture moving but Lord does he drive me to drinking some days. I have offered Jimmy cash to take him fishing for at least one day so I can work in peace. Butttttt….Jimmy wants to help me with the floor so I am screwed. And not in the good way either.

11. I am thoroughly done with rain. Seriously, mom Nature, I don’t even own a boat so you need to stop NOW! Yesterday morning we had a big storm for about 2 hours and then again last night. Thunder, lightning and high wind started about 11:00 p.m. and it was still going strong when Gregg left for work at 5:00 a.m.! Thank goodness the dogs can dog-paddle when I let them out to do their bidniz!

12. Today is laundry day. Everyone around here does their own but I haven’t had time in three weeks to do mine and I am out of undies. It’s either do it or go commando. I love options!

13. Told you I have thoughts. Even more where those came from but this long enough already. Here’s to hoping Marty didn’t flash the SWAT Team this morning, Kippy is finding peace and knows that she has the best yet to come, Patti is surviving the storms with her new roommate too, Billie is not finding any more weird things in her pocket unless it is cash, BTC is getting some rest and having fun with Bandit, Erin is enjoying her new job and new cash, Fannie has not hurt anyone with all of the planning she is doing, and hoping Kerry is not buying any more Red Jell-O for a LONG time. If I forgot anything, please feel free to shoot me. Soon, please and thank you!

Fourth Pic Down is Marty and Rick!!!

2010-06-22T07:55:00.000-05:00

Don't take life so seriously!
DANCE

KISS A LOT!

RELAX IN NATURE

HAVE FUN

AND BE HAPPY!!!!

Make sure you scroll all the way down and read what is written.

Today is International Disturbed People's Day

Please send an encouraging message to a disturbed friend... just as I've done.

I don't care if you lick windows,

take the special bus

or occasionally pee on yourself..

You hang in there sunshine, you're special

Every sixty seconds you spend angry, upset or mad, is a full minute of happiness you'll never get back.

Today's Message of the Day is:

Life is short, Break the rules, Forgive quickly, Kiss slowly, Love truly, Laugh uncontrollably, And never regret anything that made you smile...

Where's Your Knocker?

2010-06-12T21:33:00.000-05:00

Ten Thought Tuesday

2010-06-01T12:56:00.000-05:00

Ten on Tuesday, huh? I could go on for days!!! So as not to completely bore you to tears I will break it down in days.

1. Last Sunday, last day of rest in what will seem like a lifetime.

2. Monday, shopped for paint, bought 9 new lights to go in and outside the house, went to the garden store and bought a gazillion plants for porch and garden. Picture will be posted as soon as the camera recharges because I is an idjit and forgot to plug the damn thing in.

3. Tuesday, paint, paint….. oh, and I painted. I painted my living area a dark blue and tan. I had painted in here when I first moved in 6 years ago but went easy and just had it painted off white. OK, so that has been boring since day one but with all that I was going through then, it was the easiest. Now let me just tell you this……you must not be a lazy, fat and middle aged woman that just came from sitting her ass by a pool or beach for a week before you attempt dark colors. Unless you like to be able to not move. Did this for about 5 hours before I gave up and started drinking!

4. Wednesday, started painting at about 9:30 AM finished oh somewhere around 6:00 PM. Tomorrow is gonna suck. And it did!! But it is done. Well, except for some clean up and I suppose I need to put all of my stuff back but I am getting there…sometime this year.

5. Thursday, more shopping because I have 3 parties coming up and of course I am the deviled eggs queen and had request coming from all directions. And food to buy for some of said parties, one of which will be here, which added in some cleaning. So after $230 at Wally World, $100 at Marsh, $40 more in just little crap, I am home and tired. But then I remember I am to meet my friends that just got back from the Bahamas, so I go off to attempt to drown myself in the shower because I had to pass that bed that I haven’t had much time with. Those 4 hours of sitting were glorious because tomorrow, we are back at it!

6. Friday, cooking day! SIX dozen eggs were cooked, peeled, and deviled. I don’t do just plain ole deviling so there was garlic and onions to chop. Also made 3 gallons of cold slaw, 4 clam shells of sweetened strawberries for shortcake, shucked 20 ears of corn to soak and then started drinking!

7. Saturday, had my Niece’s Graduation at 11:00 AM so we are up to get purdied up and off we go to that. Luckily out of a class of 800, she was the 5th one across the stage due to her Honor things so we were actually out of there around 12:30. Then I supervised the kid on some cleaning, made Gregg do some things and I did the flowers on the porch. Have a pitch-in to be at around 5:00 PM so have to get it done fast. Hit the shower, grabbed a bunch of deviled eggs and stuff and we were gone. Then I started drinking!

8. Sunday, Race Day in Indy and I have people coming to my house which is still a mess from painting. My porch looks like Linus and all of his dirty friends have been out there. I want to start drinking! But I didn’t…yet! Ran around here like a mad woman until right at 12:00, when people start arriving. At this point, I surrendered! I have great friends that know if they say anything about dirt or dust, I will hand them the cleaning stuff and tell them to enjoy themselves so all was well. I had the laptop out so we could sort of see the race but we mostly listened to it on the radio. Outside, in the freaking hotter than Hell heat. Until I had the brain fart of hooking the laptop to the big screen TV and we sat in the air conditioning. We had hot dogs, burgers, and brats to cook but I “thought” I could hand that to Gregg but then I remembered he is really good at making burgers into hockey pucks, sooooooooo I do that cooking too! Then I started drinking! All was well and I is tired.

9. Monday, my Niece’s Grad Party. My Seester had asked me to come over early, 1:00, to help and I didn’t realize that meant slave labor in 85 degree heat with no breaks! I had made her, of course, deviled eggs and then had to doctor up some store bought tater salad and coleslaw because we were both just too out of time to do the homemade thing. I finally escaped around 5:45. I was secretly trying to get out of there before our crazy Aunt’s showed up and I DID!! My Seester called me a Bitch like it was a bad thing! Sorry, your house, you can’t leave. And she started drinking! I came home, got in my jammies and I ain’t taking these things off until about 4:00 TUESDAY!!

10. Tuesday, I couldn’t sleep for shit last night thanks to fucking hot flashes so I actually didn’t un-ass the bed until 10:30! This is about the limit of my movement today and with my fingers being swollen from using them so much last week, I think I will MAYBE take a hot shower, MAYBE put on some clean jammies, and that could be it! I have enough leftovers from three parties that I may not have to cook for this bunch until at least Friday! If I feel like it!

So there are my TEN for the day! I left a bunch of the little crap out because this was getting (got) long!!

Oh, and did I mention that school got out on Friday and it only took him until about 6:00 PM that day to say he is bored?!?!

Oh, and I messed with the old desk top and got a new router installed so I can use the laptop so when I actually GO TO YOUR PAGES, I can COMMENT!! I have been reading but unable to say much but I will be catching up with comments and stuff!

I'm Back!!!

2010-05-18T16:46:00.002-05:00

Oh Hi! Don’t I know you? I know I do from somewhere!! How have you been? Hi Marty, Chip, BTC, Erin, Patti, Billie, Fannie, Kippy, Kerry, Norfy, Dave, Kat, Terry, and all the rest!!!!

Things have been crazy busy around here since I got back. I have had a 12 year old and a 52 year old attached at each hip and two Shit Tzu’s wrapped around my legs!! You would think I had been gone for months! At least the house was clean when I got home and all of them have their original body parts!

And some things that I have been asking for months to be done were actually done!! YEAH!!! New fan up in living room, old fan put in bedroom (my hot flashes thanked them the most) and the tanning bed has been moved to storage so I can get this room back in shape and painted!

Blog about the trip will come soon. I have worked on it a little but I am going to have to do it in stages or you will need to get a very large bottle of wine to get through it all!

I am slowly catching up with all of you and if I haven’t commented it is not my fault! Really it’s not. Every time I get on Multiply my freaking computer freezes up! I am getting ready to do a major dump on this thing. I just have to check with an IT guy before I do the drastic deed! I have backed up all pics and important documents so I think I am good to just completely deleting everything and resetting back to factory settings. Then reload the needed parts! If any of you geeks know better please advise!

I am so excited for Kippy this weekend! Hope she calms down a little and enjoys her day! Marty, those little favors were gorgeous! You are such a big sweetie!

Speaking of which, my friends that are in Bahamas called today and I missed it because I didn’t recognize the number so I didn’t answer! DAMMIT!! They can’t use their cells down there so they used a calling card! They are getting remarried in a few hours!!

Weather here has sucked this week and it is hard to get motivated to do shit. It is really hard after you have been in the sun and 90 degrees for a week! We had PERFECT weather the whole week. A couple of rain showers at night but we were safely ensconced in the Tiki Bar so no bother! LOL

I finally cooked this Sunday for the first time in two weeks!! Another moment when my family thanked me for being home!! I made BBQ ribs, country and western style, and corn on the cob and tater salad! It was fabulous. Not as good as the steak and lobster I was eating a week ago but still good!

Ok, guess I will go get the 11 hundredth load of laundry out and maybe think about a shower or sumpin’. Hope you all are having a great Tuesday and I am still trying to catch up on all of you!

Last Blog!

2010-05-04T07:07:00.000-05:00

Yep, this is my last blog………from Indiana for a week! I can’t believe it has finally made it to this time. I have all of my ducks in a row (I hope) and just around 85 things to do today! Forty-eight hours from now, I be gone!! Well, actually I will be landing in Atlanta as the asshats changed my flight so I have to change planes there. I HATE Atlanta Airport. That place is just nasty! But at 10 :40 am Thursday, I will be FREE!!!!

Yesterday’s list:

Cleaned carpets

Tanned

Ran to Dollar Store for toilet paper. We had one half roll in each bathroom left. Gregg deemed that an emergency! Well, I suppose it is since I canceled the paper for the week so that would have left him shit out of luck! Tee Hee

Printed off all info for various sorts that need to know what plane I am on should it decide to take a dive in Kentucky.

Cleaned up all piles lying around. I have too much shit…

Watched the DVD for my camera so I have a chance of taking good pictures

Did the nails

Did all dishes and put them away. Kitchen is spotless as I will not being using it for the next several days. Yes, we had leftover pizza last night from Sunday and tonight it is what ever you can find and if you make a mess I suggest you clean it up. The maid has or will be leaving the building

Double checked that all bills were paid as not to have any surprises when I get home

Get surprise thingies done---you will see---

Today’s list is way worse

Get cards for the girl’s for Mother’s Day. Connie gives me one every year and I usually forget so I am going to be prepared this year, dammit!

Last load of laundry

Iron some of the worse things. We have an iron in our room so I am just knocking the worst off. Yes, OCD requires ALL of my clothes be ironed before I wear them.

Pack Andy and get him ready. First I have to go buy him some jeans. The little shit has managed to split two pairs just this week.

Go to the OMG Wally World for shit that I can only find there

Tan

Prolly should water the plants. I heard one scream this morning while walking by the poor thing

Order cigs for when I get back

Email all teachers to let them know that I am gone and they need to contact Seester if butthead does anything stoopid

Pass out assorted keys so people can walk the dogs during the day

Do some…ummm…grooming. I know, TMI, but I do have to put on a bathing suit in 48 hours!

Run around like a chicken with it’s head missing to remember everything

Have to be somewhere at 6 pm tonight. Friends want to say good bye and I could win $$$. Two of my really good friends leave for the Bahamas the day we come back. They are the ones that I told you he is surprising her with a vow renewal. They will be gone for 12 days! He sent me the link and OMG, I am SO JEALOUS!!!

I don’t have to worry about Gregg at all as he is a big boy and can fend for himself. I usually make him a meatloaf and he will eat on that for three days but there is one in the freezer if he so desires to thaw that it and heat it up in the oven. I showed him how!

I will be blogging from Florida but I do not have to take my laptop as Misty Blue is taking hers. One less thing I have to mess with. And I wouldn’t count on every day because I am going to be slightly busy watch the young hard bodies on the beach. I’m just sayin’!

I leave home tomorrow around 2 pm to go to Connie’s. We are getting our pedi’s and then it is VACATION TIME!! Since her Hubby is taking us to the airport and we have to be there at 4:30 AM, it works well if I just spend the night there. If I was betting girl…ahem…we probably will just stay up all night, get on the plane and sleep when we get there. We pack easy sundress type things and change when we get there. We are usually too early to check in but they have a big bathroom right there by the Tiki Bar where we get comfy.

That’s about all I got today. Aren’t you glad I just took those minutes of your life away that you can never get back?

Hope you all have a fantastic week and stay out of trouble. I can not promise the same on this end!

Troubles and Troubles!

2010-04-29T11:16:00.000-05:00

I am having some serious issues with this computer today! I have spent HOURS deleting crap and baking up everything and it is still giving me fits!! I get to one of your blogs, I read, and just as I am about to comment, SOB locks up and I have to reboot! ARGH!!!

But anyway, here is the cake I *made* for Rose and then some pics of the poopers after a day at the Spa! Ye, they put bows in my MALE dogs ears!!!!

I am going to add one more ding dong to raise the cupcake up but I wanted to wait until I got it there so it didn't fall over!

Ten Thought Tuesday!!

2010-04-27T11:52:00.000-05:00

Ten thought is what you want, ten thoughts is what you get…maybe!!!

1. I haven’t been around much lately except for a little lurking. It’s that life thing. Too much too do and not enough time. Or I have just been playing too much! That damn Wii has been teasing me into playing for way too long! Mario Brothers need to die, dammit!

2. No word on the identity theft deal. They say the investigation is going on but that is all I get. If I get my next bill and it has anything funky on it, let’s just say “It ain’t gonna be purty Ma”. They have their address so I don’t get why they just don’t go get them. Duh!!

3. While at the store last week I bought SEEDLESS grapes. But they weren’t! Damn near broke a tooth finding this out. Can I sue for false advertisement? This is the reason I usually taste one before buying. But I didn’t this time because Gregg was with me and if you ever really want to see what kind of insane you are, go to the store with him!! And no, I don’t tell them to add a penny because I ate one. They can Bite Me!!

4. I am packed!! Oh hush…..I am a woman and I need my shit! Gregg was laughing at me and I just told him to think about all of the stuff you use and need during one week and then if you had to put it in a suitcase. Yes, I buy crap while I am there too and most of the toiletries are sample size and will not be coming back but DAMMIT I need 5 pairs of shoes that I will probably only carry with me and plop them on the floor at whatever Tiki bar we go to!! I don’t try shoes on; I just hold them next to my hip and see how they look while carrying them! Oh Hush!

5. I am going to buy a new camera today!!!! I have an old digital but the flash seems to take FOREVER and I can never get those spontaneous shots so I am treating myself to a new one! And no, not a fancy one like you photographers use, just a new point and shoot digital camera! Saw some in the Sunday ads that were less than $100. Twelve pixels (whatever a pixel is?) with a 3” screen to see and just point and shoot. Well, the have other features but we all know I will never figure out how to work them Oh sure, they come with a DVD you can watch and learn but what are the chances that I watch and learn?

6. Tomorrow is a good friend’s birthday and she is crazy nuts about Hostess crap so I am making her a Hostess cake!! LOL I am not as talented as Billie so I am taking cupcakes and ding dongs and making a layer cake. Just for the Hell of it!!

7. I have weird neighbors. It seems like everyday they empty out their shed and put it ALL back in and then every evening he washes the driveway with the hose!?!? WTF!! Dude, it has been raining for three day, I’m a thinkin’ it’s CLEAN!!

8. Did you know that when it has been raining for three day and you have two small furry things that have to go outside 75 times a day, there is really no good reason to mop any floors in your house? Unless you REALLY like mopping. Then I need you to move in with me until Spring is over!

9. I get to go have a REAL pedicure next week!! I do my own fingernails and usually do the toes too but I am treating myself!!

10. Ok, that’s enough spewing for one day! I gotta go shower and run around town like a crazy woman on a mission because well, I will be on a mission! It’s those damn list that keep staring at me!!

2010-04-23T11:20:00.002-05:00

I have to admit, I have been lurking A L O T this week. See, it is really hard to type with one hand while holding the phone to your ear. And it seems as both phones have been at me ear for the ENTIRE week! And can even say that at one point, I had both of them to my ears at the same time.

It just seems alot of things are going down and have to be handled on the phone because if I saw some of these people face to face, I would need bail money!! Lots and lots of bail money!

Yesterday I thought I had it down to a dull roar and ran a few errands, relaxed in the tanning bed and was prepared for a nice evening out with some friends! I stop to get the mail on my way home, hey look, no bills!! Yea Me!! Butttt…there is a letter from AT&T. It is not my name but it is my address. I open it. It says “Thank you for establishing service with AT&T!!! Ummm, asshats, I have had your service for over 13 years. A few lines down it says if you did not recently authorized service please call. So I did! HOLD CITY! AGAIN!

Finally get a lady and I tell her that I did not authorize any services because I already have them!

Lady: Maybe your husband allowed someone to establish service with his SS number?

Me: Nope, don’t think so. He’s been dead for almost 7 years! He doesn’t need a phone or Internet!

Lady: Oh, urmm…uhh…ok then. Maybe a friend or relative?

Me: Nope, don’t even know anyone in the town that you told me they were trying to hook up service!

(See, she had already verified my address and then told me the address where they are trying to get service!)

Lady: Well, they used the same SS of your husband but a different name. And BTW, why do you still have your Hubby’s name on the account?

Me: Because I can. And as you will see, my name is also on there with my SS! I was told that was all I had to do to maintain service after he died and I moved. But back to the problem, what do I need to do to keep these people from adding an account onto mine?

Lady: We have to contact the Fraud Investigator and investigate. Please hold while I contact him!

****Cue theme from Jeopardy here…oh, about 100 times******

Lady: He is not answering. Can you hold for a couple of more minutes and I will try (insert some name I don’t remember)?

Me: Well, I can’t be on hold much longer, I have to get my kid from the bus stop. (Yes, I realize I am going to Hell for lying but I promise to save some of you a seat)

Lady: OK, I promise not even two minutes!

****insert music from the 80’s*****

This part I was actually enjoying but she came back on before the song was even over!

Lady: I will have to get back to you on Monday and have the full investigation going.

Me: So there will be NO services turned on between now and then?

Lady: The order is pending and I will put a freeze on it for now!

Me: So should I call the Police and file fraud against these people. I mean, you do have the address for them and all of that so they can go and arrest them? Before they do anything else with Tom’s information. Who knows, they may have mine off of the account too!

Lady: I will call you on Monday and nothing will be done until then. They will get no service and we will not let on that they are being investigated until we solve this problem. Have a nice weekend!

So, here I sit wondering what else Tom is buying while I am not looking! I hope I get some pretty Bling Bling!

And that has been my week! Today I am taking the day off. I refuse to shower or even get out of my jammies! You can’t make me. It is raining and yucky and I can’t think of a good reason to go outside! I have already had one nap and it is only 12:15! Take that!

TRYING to go back and comment on all of you chatty people. If I leave anybody out, please forgive me and I will send you chocolate! If there is any left~

2010-04-15T10:15:00.002-05:00

I sorry!! I lurked about a bit yesterday but didn’t comment much! Gregg is off on Wednesday’s and as you saw, he left me a sweet card on the table with my paper! So, I didn’t play on here much! He wasn’t feeling real good so he was all whiny and stuff and Momma had to baby him!

Then he really started laughing and messing with me! Bastard!

See, I am a female! I know, but it’s true!

I HAVE to start pack WAY ahead of time as you know! I had a few piles of stuff in the bedroom but had not actually pulled the suitcase out. Until yesterday! And I got the BIG sucker out too! Now, I will give you a little back info. When I come home each year, I wash everything, regardless if I wore it or not! Sand gets into EVERYTHING!! I then put most of the “beach wear” right back in it! I then pull it out the next year, wash it again and repack. I also buy new things and add throughout the year. Then the decisions have to start!

Am I taking this, do I have shoes that match or do I need to buy a new pair (shhh, I heard that), will it cross match with this so I can not take as much? See my dilemma? Then there are the “special” things that need to go and more lists to be made of what needs to be replaced!

The overnight bag is a dilemma too! So damn much that you have to do to get those damn things onto the plane! Three ounces, threes ounces, and three ounces…in zip baggies and blah, blah, blah!

Luckily, I sign up for a gazillion freebies on here so I have most toiletries in sample sizes that work perfect! Seven little packets of shampoo/ conditioner, soap, toothpaste, mouth wash…all that free and disposable! Less to carry home! I also have a brush, comb, curling iron; crap like that I bought to STAY in the bag!

See much OCD going on here? Nope, not me! There is a method to my madness. Gregg don’t get it but he is Male, he gets nothing unless it is about sports!

I have a black EZ comb that I LOVE! It is an As Seen on TV thing but they work so well. With long hair, sand, wind, and humidity, this thing keeps my hair up and I can lay my head back on the beach chair and it doesn’t hurt!

I CAN’T FIND IT!!!!

And this is where the laughing really starts! I will not describe my efforts in finding this thing. I refuse to tell how many times I opened the same draws and looked…again…and again!

I added it to the list! Wally World has them, Thank You Jebus!!!

And on another note, Patti I get the “I need my thumbs”! I seriously do!

Last night for dinner, I got to have Chinese, which Gregg won’t eat it, but was feeling puny and wanted soup. I made a yummy Sweet & Spicy Shrimp and Flied Lice!!! Stuff was good. I was hungry two hours later but what the Hell!

Ok, so after I eat I am cleaning the kitchen. I was emptying the dish washer and was putting the last glass on the shelf. I have been telling myself for a long time that there is too much in that cabinet and I should take some of the crap out of there! Well, I now have one less glass in there!

As I was pushing the last one in, a BIG GLASS fell and hit the cabinet. As I was jumping back with the usual “Shit”, the big bottom hit the counter, bounced up and…slits my thumb WIDE open! And I got dizzy!! WTF!!!!!!!!!! With all of my old female issues, blood should NOT affect me in any way!

I couldn’t get that sucker to stop bleeding and I probably should have had a stitch or two but that is why God made painkillers! The cut is right across the bottom (palm side) joint. Most inconvenient, let me tell you! I hit that SOB at least every 5 seconds. Even typing this out I have hit it numerous times hitting the space bar!!! Woke up several times last night trying to use it! I see blood on the bandage but don’t feel like changing the bandage yet!!

Tomorrow, I have a Girl’s DAY!!!!!! We go to the fancy-schmancy hair place and the……..Margaritas with the girls! About 5-6 of us are going to meet up and have an afternoon! I think Connie is spending the night too so I will be gone until Saturday on here. THEN on Saturday….I have to make 120 deviled eggs! Yea, 120 of those things. I have two things coming up this weekend and since I make the Best (or so they say to stroke my ego to get me to make them) I will have a very smelly house! Which is always fun when Gregg can’t stand the smell!

One event I am not even participating in but got ***cough**cough** coerced into making them and then on Sunday is the Memorial for Bonnie!!

Ok, enough boredom for one day! No, probably not

Awwww..I Love My Man!!!

2010-04-14T12:59:00.000-05:00

Today's List!

2010-04-13T12:17:00.000-05:00

Color Hair - check

CVS - check

Tan - check

Papa Murphy's Pizza - check

Get Gas - check

Liquor Store - check

Meds for Andy - check

Piss Off Mortgage Company - check

Piss Off Old Car Financer - check

Piss Off Insurance Company - check

Drink a Cold Beer - check

My Ten for Tuesday!!

For All of You Gals!!!

2010-04-13T07:30:00.000-05:00

Be the kind of woman that when your feet hit the floor each morning the devil says ~~ "Oh Crap, She's up!" (I love this!!)

Sister
Life is too short to wake up with regrets.
So love the people who treat you right.
Love the ones who don't just because you can.
Believe everything happens for a reason.
If you get a second chance, grab it with both hands.
If it changes your life, let it.
Kiss slowly.
Forgive quickly.
God never said life would be easy.
He just promised it would be worth it.

Today is sister's day, send this to all your sisters,
mothers, daughters, girlfriends even me if I am like one.
If you get back 7,
you are loved.
Happy Sister's Day!

I LOVE YA SISTA'!!! :-)

Girlfriend and
Sister's Week
I am only as strong as the chocolate I eat,
the hair spray I use and
the friends I have.
To the cool women that have touched my life. Here's to you!
National Girlfriends Day
What would most of us do without our sisters, confidants and shopping, lunching, and traveling girls?
Let's celebrate each other for each other's sake!
TO MY GIRLFRIENDS!

If you get this twice
you know you have more
than one girlfriend...
Be Happy!
PLEASE PASS THIS ON TO ALL OF YOUR GIRLFRIENDS AND RETURN IT TO THE FRIEND WHO SENT IT TO YOU!
It is good to be a woman!!

Panic Attacks and Paper Bags!

2010-04-12T11:25:00.002-05:00

It is that time again! Time for the panic to set in. I do this E.V.E.R.Y.Y.E.A.R. T-minus 3 weeks and I start making the lists, checking them twice, breath into a paper bag, make calls, breath into a paper bag, pay all bills, breath into a paper bag! See this pattern?

As you all know, the Annual Mother’s Day Trip is something I covet more than almost anything in the world! I live my life for the freedom of ONE WHOLE WEEK to myself! Well, OK, so I either get calls or call home every night to check and make sure no one is bleeding, severed a limb, and that the house has not burned to the ground! It’s a Mom thing!

But I don’t have to cook, clean, taxi, or listen to whining for one glorious week. The most I have to do is get up, slap on a bathing suit and decide if I am going to the beach or flop by the pool! If I get hungry, I plop myself in a restaurant, order, pay, and leave! No dishes! Laundry? Not happening! Leave a few of dollars for the maid each day and she does allllll of the cleaning!

But then there are the panic days leading up to this! Will my house burn down, will they miss me, and will my Son have a Nuclear breakdown in school? That is the BIGGIE! HE is switching back to regular hours next week and I wonder if 2 weeks will be enough for him to readjust to the times! And the Teachers. And the noise. And the work!! And the distractions!!

Some of you may not know this but Andy is Severely Bi-Polar with major ADHD symptoms! That boy can switch attitudes quicker than any woman I have ever known with the worst case PMS! And talk about seeing shiny thing!?!? Oh Lord, the kid has a switch in him that can go so severe some moments that you are just too dumbfounded to even respond! We do meds, counseling, doctors, IEP, AEP, and on and on.

I have a plan that I go with every year and things are NEVER as my brain tries to imagine them before I leave. My child is as COMPLETE ANGEL when with other people and never causes a minute of trouble. When I am not around! I worry over nothing! Bite me Kid!

My Seester, Trista, is the main person to deal with him and she is GOOD at it, too! She takes no shit therefore he knows not to give her any. But this year will be slightly different as I am employing Gregg and Jimmy to assist! Due to schedules, I have to have back-em-up on a few days right after school and on Saturday! Jimmy is retired and loves him and likes to take him to do things and is teaching him all about fishing and yucky boy stuff so I think he is going to take him fishing on Saturday until Gregg gets home so that is all good!

I know I am just getting anxious but that is “normal” for me! I have many lists of things to get off of my ass and get done. Before you know it, I will be sitting on the beach blogging to ya’ all about the fact that I am doing nothing more than sipping a Banana Daiquiri! And your not!

If I could only find that list that tells me where I left my lists!

Did I mention I have started packing? Yes, I have to start early because we have certain traditions that we do in Florida and I have to make sure I don’t forget the important things! Remind me to tell you the story about the dildo on the kitchen table for a week!

Hope all of your Mondays are starting good! Now, ‘scuse me, I have hair pulling moments to deal with. Or maybe I will just go have a chat with Miss Clairol! Now where did I put that paper bag?

CHIP!!! I found Dinochickens! For Reals!!!

2010-04-12T07:49:00.000-05:00

http://dsc.discovery.com/news/2009/03/05/dinosaur-chicken.html

Shoes

2010-04-10T10:24:00.002-05:00

Yes, I am, as Marty so eloquently put it, a Shoe Whore! This is nothing new to me. I have had two husbands and a few boyfriends point out that I have a problem! And there are no meetings for me to attend so I just go to the shoe store! It is there that I can find kindred spirits such as myself and we are a happy group!

On Tuesday I was at the local Wally World and they have a plain simple black flip flop that I like and they are only $8 a pair! I had 4 pair last summer. Why four pair, you ask? Because I have dogs! Yes, as soon as you turn your head, they chew the strap off. In like 3 seconds!

So I had bought a new pair on Tuesday, put them on to wear, I had two dogs following me all through the house JUST STARING AT MY FEET! Very creepy, really! We leave for a coupe of hours. I came in, took shoes off for FIVE SECONDS because I had to pee! Come out of the bathroom! Can you guess the ending? YES, IN THE TIME IT TOOK ME TO PEE, THE DAMN DOGS ATE MY SHOES!

So I will go today and buy more! Probably two pair! Because I have dogs!

Now, why does she have over 300 pairs of shoes? Because I can! Does she wear all of these shoes? No! Why? Because she really doesn’t go anywhere fancy to wear said shoes! Most days I will have on PLAIN WHITE TENNY RUNNERS! Or black flip flops if the dogs haven’t ate them!

There are three of us that wear the same size around here and anytime we get shoes that we don’t care for, we pass them around! One friend has a RICH cousin by marriage that loves shoes even more than me! She buys the EXPENSIVE ones. Think $200-$300 a pair! Last fall, she sent 15 BAGS of shoes up to us from North Carolina! OMFG!!!! Yes, I think I inked on that one! I was the happy recipient of almost all of those shoes! OMFG!!!!!!

Now Connie, my BFF, is the Purse Whore! This woman changes her purse EVERY DAY! To match her outfit! Oh, Hell to the No on that one! I get a purse I use it until I can’t any more! I have my everyday purse, one that has a beach theme that is large and I take it to Florida, my two Colts purses that I carry during football season and maybe a couple more!

I also am weird that my tenny runners have to be all white. No color but white on them! And as soon as they are dirty, I put them in the washer but when that no longer works, I am done with them! I have a tote in my closets with about 30 pair in it that I intend to donate to shelter or something because there is nothing wrong with them except they are not white enough for me!

I also bought a pair of plain canvas Ked's that I like to wear and Gregg had the balls to call them Granny shoes. That’s when I whopped him with one and told him Granny can still hurt you!

So, now that you all are shaking your pretty heads at me, I think I will go shopping! Payless just called. Stock is dropping because I haven’t been there in a couple of weeks!

Thursday Thoughts

2010-04-08T12:53:00.000-05:00

Ok, so weather around here as gone to Hell and didn't take the handbasket! Only here can it be 80+ one day, 65 the next and now a lovely 40! And my "brilliant" son left his window open last and when I went in to get him up, could have hung meat in there!

After getting stuff done yesterday, I had to go through a bunch of picture to get some of Bonnie! We are having a Memorial for her on the 18th and a friends of ours' daughter is doing a video of pictures that we all can come up with! Believe it or not, I am a picture taker! So, they suck but I take them anyway! And OMG, I have entirely too many!

About 7 years ago Mom asked me what I wanted for Christmas. Well, what I really needed was some photo albums. Between her and my Seester I had enougth spaces for about 2000 pictues. Ummmm...I only have one album left to fill and have oh, maybe 1000 sitting in the drawer to be put in them. And won't even mention the amount I have on here that I haven't even developed! Sigh.....new age technology! I do have MOST of them transferred onto CD's just in case the computer decides to take a crap!

A long, long time ago in a place far, far away, I was born! Actually it's true! I was born in Los Angeles so that is far, yanno! Anywho, there used to be a bunch of pictures of me but when I was around 4-5 my Dad's house burnt down and he had all or most of the pictures of me! So, no record of me! A few scattered among relatives but that's it! Well, when Dad died in 1991 there were some pictures brought that nobody was really sure of who they were! My Mom started going through them and found the one below!! Isn't she a cutie???

I had fun looking back over the years in photos! Lordy Lordy I want my body back!!!! Not the one above just the one I had at 30!! This one:

Thursday Three Confession? Nope!

2010-04-08T06:54:00.000-05:00

After getting stuff done yesterday, I had to go through a bunch of picture to get some of Bonnie! We are having a Memorial for her on the 18th and a friends of ours' daughter is doing a video of pictures that we all can come up with! Believe it or not, I am a picture taker! So, they suck but I take them anyway! And OMG, I have entirely too many!

About 7 years ago Mom asked me what I wanted for Christmas. Well, what I really needed was some photo albums. Between her and my Seester I had enougth spaces for about 2000 pictues. Ummmm...I only have one album left to fill and have oh, maybe 1000 sitting in the drawer to be put in them. And won't even mention the amount I have on here that I haven't even developed! Sigh.....new age technology! I do have MOST of them transferred onto CD's just in case the computer decides to take a crap!

A long, long time ago in a place far, far away, I was born! Actually it's true! I was born in Los Angeles so that is far, yanno! Anywho, there used to be a bunch of pictures of me but when I was around 4-5 my Dad's house burnt down and he had all or most of the pictures of me! So, no record of me! A few scattered among relatives but that's it! Well, when Dad died in 1991 there were some pictures brought that nobody was really sure of who they were! My Mom started going through them and found the one below!! Isn't she a cutie???

I had fun looking back over the years in photos! Lordy Lordy I want my body back!!!! Not the one above just the one I had at 30!! This one:

Damn I Am Old!!

2010-04-06T19:31:00.000-05:00

Got this in an EekMail and I know ALL of it!!

How's This For Nostalgia?

All the girls had ugly gym uniforms?

It took three minutes for the TV to warm up?

Nobody owned a purebred dog?

When a quarter was a decent allowance?

You'd reach into a muddy gutter for a penny?

Your Mom wore nylons that came in two pieces?

You got your windshield cleaned, oil checked, and gas pumped, without asking, all for free, every time? And you didn't pay for air? And, you got trading stamps to boot?

Laundry detergent had free glasses, dishes or towels hidden inside the box?

It was considered a great privilege to be taken out to dinner at a real restaurant with your parents?

They threatened to keep kids back a grade if they failed. . and they did it!

When a 57 Chevy was everyone's dream car...to cruise, peel out, lay rubber or watch submarine races, and people went steady?

No one ever asked where the car keys were because they were always in the car, in the ignition, and the doors were never locked?

Lying on your back in the grass with your friends?
and saying things like, 'That cloud looks like a... '?

Playing baseball with no adults to help kids with the rules of the game?

Stuff from the store came without safety caps and hermetic seals because no one had yet tried to poison a perfect stranger?

And with all our progress, don't you just wish, just once, you could slip back in time and savor the slower pace, and share it with the children of today.

When being sent to the principal's office was nothing compared to the fate that awaited the student at home?

Basically we were in fear for our lives, but it wasn't because of drive-by shootings, drugs, gangs, etc. Our parents and grandparents were a much bigger threat! But we survived because their love was greater than the threat.

. .as well as summers filled with bike rides, Hula Hoops, and visits to the pool, and eating Kool-Aid powder with sugar.
Didn't that feel good, just to go back and say, 'Yeah, I remember that'?

I am sharing this with you today because it ended with a Double Dog Dare to pass it on. To remember what a Double Dog Dare is, read on. And remember that the perfect age is somewhere between old enough to know better and too young to care.

Send this on to someone who can still remember Howdy Doody and ThePeanut Gallery, the Lone Ranger, The Shadow knows, Nellie Bell, Roy and Dale, Trigger and Buttermilk.

How Many Of These Do You Remember?
Candy cigarettes

Wax Coke-shaped bottles with colored sugar water inside.

Soda pop machines that dispensed glass bottles.

Coffee shops with Table Side Jukeboxes.

Blackjack, Clove and Teaberry chewing gum.

Home milk delivery in glass bottles with cardboard stoppers.

Newsreels before the movie.

Telephone numbers with a word prefix...( Yukon 2-601). Party lines.

Peashooters.

Howdy Doody.

Hi-Fi's & 45 RPM records.

78 RPM records!

Green Stamps.

Mimeograph paper.

The Fort Apache Play Set.

Do You Remember a Time When..
Decisions were made by going 'eeny-meeny-miney-moe'?
Mistakes were corrected by simply exclaiming, 'Do Over!'?
'Race issue' meant arguing about who ran the fastest?

Catching The Fireflies Could Happily Occupy An Entire Evening?

It wasn't odd to have two or three 'Best Friends'?

Having a Weapon in School meant being caught with a Slingshot?

Saturday morning cartoons weren't 30-minute commercials for action figures?

'Oly-oly-oxen-free' made perfect sense?

Spinning around, getting dizzy, and falling down was cause for giggles?

The Worst Embarrassment was being picked last for a team?

War was a card game?

Baseball cards in the spokes transformed any bike into a motorcycle?

Taking drugs meant orange - flavored chewable aspirin?

Water balloons were the ultimate weapon?

If you can remember most or all of these, Then You Have Lived!!!!!!!

Pass this on to anyone who may need a break from their 'Grown-Up' Life . .
I Double-Dog-Dare-Ya!

Tuesday Randomness!!

2010-04-06T12:05:00.000-05:00

Ten Thoughts AGAIN!

1. WTG Butler! They tried their damndest and that is what counts! I am not even a Butler fan but I was sooo for them to win! I feel sorry for them as they are all trying to blame themselves for the loss. I think they all played excellent!

2. Temps are hitting 80 today and then back down to the 50’s the rest of the week! Gotta love living in Indiana. Don’t like the weather, wait a minute, it will change.

3. Psstt…exactly one month from today…I is OUTTA here! I know, shaddup already, we know! Butttt this is the thing I look forward to the most all year and I get all giddy now!

4. I have to go to Wally World to get a shit load of crap. Anybody want to go for me? Anybody? Fine, I see how you all are! I will go myself!

5. I need to find some new shorts for the summer but could someone please make some that are for us middle age wimmins? All I can find are either the “I can see your butt crack” or the “granny” kind! My waist IS NOT at my hip bones and me being only 5 feet tall, long ones look like I am waiting for a freaking flood! Just some nice normal ones that fall between the top of your thigh and knee! Am I really asking for too much, people?

6. I have to get my butt back in the tanning bed (oh, hush, we are all gonna die of something)!

7. I need to take my laptop to the VFW on Thursday and figure out how to use Wi-Fi. I think I am going to take the laptop to Florida with me but I have never tried to use it with public Wi-Fi so I suppose I should learn! It has a video camera on it so I thought I could take some nice video to post on here while I am gone to make all of you jealous! And I have a BIG surprise for a few of you!!!

8. A few of my neighbors have commented on the shutters! I am not sure how to take that! Is it, “They look really good, you did a good job” or is it “About damn time you lazy Bitch”?

9. Did I ever tell you I have about 75 pairs of sandals and am wearing them around the house to figure out which ones I can actually walk farther than just to the bathroom in so I can take them with me? What? You knew I was strange bird!

10. Ok, that’s about it! I have a bunch of errands to do and then tomorrow we are getting the new fence and attempting to put it in! Just a small one to keep the dogs in but it still will be tricky to do what I want and as you know, I am the Supervisor!

John is out with his friends and stops by his grandmother's house for a visit.

There's a bowl of peanuts on the coffee table,

So, John and his friends start snacking on them.

When they're ready to leave, his friends say, "Nice to meet you, ma'am, and thank you for the peanuts.."

Grandma says, "You’re welcome. Ever since I lost my dentures, all I can do is suck the chocolate off of them."

For All of You "Shutter Bugs"!

2010-04-06T10:52:00.000-05:00

The room that I spend time with you peeps:

The Living Room Winders:

One of the bedroom and my bathroom. Yes, notice the garden is still a mess! Not my problem!

The back of my House, two bedroom and one bathroom winders:

My Closet Winder. Yes, my closet goes about 12 feet on each side of it. And it's full!! Can you see me in the corner of the pic?

Because I Love You!!!

2010-04-02T06:45:00.000-05:00

For All of you too far away for my Bunny to reach you:

http://terrisfp1.com/holidays/chick.html

Happy Easter...Keaster...Whatever

2010-04-01T22:32:00.000-05:00

What To Do!

2010-03-26T07:02:00.000-05:00

Yes, two on Fliday!! Waiting for Connie to get here then going to lunch but this was too good to not share!!

You are driving down the road in your car on a wild, stormy night,when you pass by a bus stop and you see three people waiting for the bus:

1. An old lady who looks as if she is about to die.

2. An old friend who once saved your life.

3. The perfect partner you have been dreaming about.

Which one would you choose to offer a ride to, knowing that there could only be one passenger in your car? Think before you continue reading.

This is a moral/ethical dilemma that was once actually used as part of a job application. You could pick up the old lady, because she is going to die, and thus you should save her first. Or you could take the old friend because he once saved your life, and this would be the perfect chance to pay him back. However, you may never be able to find your perfect mate again.

YOU WON'T BELIEVE THIS.....................

The candidate who was hired (out of 200 applicants) had no trouble coming up with his answer. He simply answered: 'I would give the car keys to my old friend and let him take the lady to the hospital. I would stay behind and wait for the bus with the partner of my dreams.'

Sometimes, we gain more if we are able to give up our stubborn thought limitations.

Never forget to 'Think Outside of the Box.'

HOWEVER....The correct answer is to run the old lady over and put her out of her misery because Obama's health care won't pay for her hospital visit anyway, have sex with the perfect partner on the hood of the car, then drive off with the old friend for a few beers!

My ONE Political Comment!!

2010-03-24T09:43:00.000-05:00

And I will let Maxine speak for me:

Let me get this straight. We're going to be gifted with a health care plan written by a committee whose chairman says he doesn't understand it, passed by a Congress that hasn't read it but exempts themselves from it, to be signed by a president who also hasn't read it and who smokes, with funding administered by a treasury chief who didn't pay his taxes, to be overseen by a surgeon general who is obese, and financed by a country that's broke.

What the hell could possibly go wrong?

Tuesday Randomness!!

2010-03-23T10:42:00.000-05:00

Let’s see what rubbish can flow through the brain-drain today!

1. I don’t do politics. If you write about politics, chances are I won’t comment unless I have something smart-ass to say. Sorry! I is not a fart smucker in that area!

2. The sun is shining!! YEAH! Still chilly but working our way back up.

3. Last weekend was great on Friday and Saturday! Friday I worked in the yard for a bit, plucked a bunch of dead stuff, cleaned out all of the pots on the deck, and then grabbed a beer and a book and plopped in the sun. Gregg was laughing and shaking his head when he pulled up after work. I love to keep him on his toes about what I will do next! At least I didn’t have the bathing suit on!

4. Saturday was kind of low key and we went out for a bit in the evening. Sunday we were in a veggie state and I stayed in jammies all day. Made going to bed that night quite easy!

5. I actually have all of my bills paid!!! BEFORE THEY WERE DUE! Ok, I am afraid too but like Gregg, I like to keep them on their toes!

6. I got to mess with Reader’s Digest this morning! They have sent me two books WHICH I DID NOT REQUEST and then send me a bill for $60.00!! WTF??? Umm, according to the Post Office, you send me a gift, it is a GIFT! Thank you very much but here’s your sign! I told them if they wanted to send me postage, I would be happy to return them! They said never mind!

7. OHH OHHHH!!! I forgot sumpin’ important!!!! I received the cutest card in the mail last weekend from some Sassy Chick in Kentucky and I just got to say…your timing was perfect! I was feeling a little down with everything that has been going on and it was JUST WHAT I NEEDED! The perfect pick me up to start my weekend! THANK YOU!

8. There will be a Memorial for Bonnie but not sure when. I was going to pull something together but someone that has WAY MORE money than me beat me to it. This is fine. As long as there is something!

9. I only have 43 days until I go south!!! I know, shut up already but…but…I am SOOO ready!!! Some of my shopping trip last week was for that and I have a few other things I want to pick up! I don’t wear too many clothes when I am there so I don’t need much. Oh hush, we wear bathing suits and cover ups most of the time…not nekkid!

10. Ha, I made it to ten! Now I have to take the kid to school because the DAMN driver FORGOT him AGAIN!

A Missed Holiday!

2010-03-20T09:16:00.000-05:00

First off: HAPPY BIRFDAY CHIPSTER!!!!

Ok, so we all know life is having fun at my expense but as usual, I roll with it! Bonnie dying so fast on Monday threw everyone for a loop and all we can do is roll with it. What I don’t really get tho is there is no obituary, funeral or even Memorial service. Nobody knows if that is how she wanted it or if her brothers decided it! So we have been sort of doing our own.

Gregg and I had a small spat earlier this week but all is well again!

So, what is a woman to do when life keeps throwing her shit and she has had enough?

WE GO FOR RETAIL THERAPY! Well, I do anyway!

Yesterday the temps were pushing 70 and I decided I need to get out! Got my shorts on and took off. No real plan just going. Open the sunroof on the car, crank up the radio and I went!

This is when I realize I have missed a Holiday!

IT IS NATIONAL DRIVE LIKE AN ASSHOLE DAY! How did I miss it! Was it the sun that brought out all of the people that forgot how to drive? Seriously, I am in a WHITE car, you can not not see me!! There is no snow to lose me in! I am older and have more insurance! Bring it asshats!

I stopped by Wally World to return some shorts that Andy didn’t like and then decided to hit Fashion Bug for new summer clothes. I do have that little trip coming up in 48 days, yanno!

Fight more people that just can’t seem to see those lines on the road due to blaring sun!

They had nothing so I went on to Dots. I love Dots! They have cute clothes like the itty-bitty girls wear but the same thing for us ummm…bigger girls! I got 3 new tops and was feeling good! I am leaving the parking lot and who do I see? A big white Twinkie truck!!! Yeppers, that’s my man! We meet over in the parking lot and he was running into Pet Smart to get chains so we can let the dogs out.

Now, ask me how the cream filling gets into the cupcakes! TeeHee!!!

I just heard that collective EWWWWWW!!!

Twas a great day indeed!

Came home and did a little yard stuff and decided to have BBQ ribs on the grill with homemade French fries. Fuck the diet! Ribs were so tender and the fries so crisp!! Yummmoooooooo!!!

Temp is going to 70 today and I will be back out in all day because then the rain and that nasty other four letter word are in the forecast. My poor car needs a good cleaning and I have dead flowers to pluck! I don’t have anything sprouting yet but the lot next to us has daffodils coming up!!

I hope you all have sun and warmth and get out and enjoy!!!

Ten Thought Tuesday

2010-03-09T08:07:00.001-06:00

Not a whole lot going on lately. Just thinking I need to do some yard clean up now that all of the snow has melted but...I am too lazy right now.

1. The sun has been wonderful the last few days. Temp yesterday was 60! Glorious! Suppose to be that again today but then rain for a few days. It was nice while it lasted.

2. When I went to tan Saturday they were having Customer Appreciation weekend and had a drawing. I won 3rd prize! Yea me! I won a $40 bottle of lotion. I wouldn’t pay that price for it but iffin’ they are gonna give it to me, well...I will take it!

3. Sunday we went to the bar to watch the NASCAR race since Jan was working. We had a pitch-in and had a good time. We ate Taco Soup…I heart that stuff!

4. Every day that you go to the bar, you sign up for the daily. It is a dollar and then the next day they do a drawing and if you were in the previous day and had paid, you win! Simply stuff.

5. Last night around 5pm Gregg’s phone rang. Guess who they pulled out? Yeppers, the shithead won $1000!!!!!!! And he is going to give me some of it!!

6. We went to get his money and I was playing the pull tab things and I won $100!!

7. Yes, we smoke, drink, cuss and gamble! And usually all of the above at the same time!

8. They are FINALLY moving the piece of shit ugly trailer next door. They told me six years ago when I bought my place that they were taking it out. Nope, they sold it to a WEIRD couple. They haven’t lived there in about a year and a half and finally moved all of their stuff out. I can’t wait for it to be gone. It is just about the only older ugly one on my street now!

9. But, all of those people and noise going on over there are driving my dogs bat shit!

10. We are running away from home for the night next Tuesday just for the heck of it. After we went to the river boat a couple of weeks ago, they sent us coupons for $70 and a free room for the night so we are going to use it. Just because we can! About an hour and 45 minute drive but well worth it!

Revenge of the Animals!

2010-03-06T07:25:00.000-06:00

I just thought you should know they are plotting against us!

THE REVENGE OF THE ANIMALS!!

For Chip...Marty on the Town!

2010-03-05T06:31:00.000-06:00

I know, without a doubt, I am about to get into some serious trouble!!! But I feel frisky today and the sun is shining and the temp is going to be 47 and sometimes I just can't help myself!

I always check People of Walmart and right after we were discussing Marty's bra wearing habits, I clicked over there and LO AND BEHOLD!!!

Thursday Thoughts

2010-03-04T11:09:00.000-06:00

Yeaaaaaa, I too have the sun back. Oh glorious sun, I heart thee!

I actually woke up on my own at 7:00 with this bright light in my room. Thought Gregg had left the light on when he left. I am really tired so I have no idea why I got up so early. I didn’t fall asleep until 2:30 and his alarm went off at 3:00! And 3:05. And 3:09. And 3:14. See the pattern here? He has two alarms on one clock and sets them both. I heart him too, I suppose.

I am slightly pissed this morning. Here I have spent gazillion dollars buying fresh fruit to eat and NOT EATING TATERS OR BREAD and find out that fruit is not really good for you when first starting a diet. It is full of sugar than turns into starch in your body. Like BREAD AND TATERS! I heart taters more than just about anything. You can make them any way you want, I will eat them. Even raw!

FML!

I did not work out yesterday and I am not going to today. My legs and arms are so sore I can hardly walk when I first stand up. They loosen up after a minute but I am taking a break.

I’m going shopping. Retail therapy for me! I have Gregg’s bank card. **insert evil grin and laugh here** Then we are going out tonight with a few friends. Nothing exciting but it is not at home. Just going to the VFW for Spaghetti dinner, which I will not eat, and a few drinks, which I will drink!

Erin had that thing about eyelash perms on her blog and I swear my eyes have been bugging me since. I just get the heebie-jeebies thinking about it! And permanent eyeliner, with needles?!?!? Not enough Scotch or Tequila on this planet to get a needle near my eyes.

Marty is out dancing in the street with the sun shining down on her so I am happy for her! Patti is off to have a fabulous time at a great place. Have no clue what the rest of you are doing today but ENJOY!!

I am off to the tanning bed, Wally World, CVS, Kohl’s and whatever else I find along the way! ?You all have a fantastic day and GO OUTSIDE!

Wednesday Why's!

2010-03-03T12:52:00.000-06:00

Just some things I am wondering about today. You have been warned!

Why does Gregg pour a bowl full of milk and then pours cereal in and eats until the milk is gone?

Why does he always take the cereal out of the box and then wraps a rubber band around it?

Why do car makers come up with ugly ass cars?

Why is it that I can go into a “fancy, EXPENSIVE” Mall wearing just regular jeans, a t-shirt and tennie runners and people feel the need to stare? Sorry, but you are the idjits because you actually pay $100 for a top that I can get at Kohl’s for $20!

Why does the Apple store have 25 employees? Most of them standing around. But they have EXCELLENT customer service skills. Andy’s IPod Touch lost it’s back light, he called Monday night, they made him an appointment for Tuesday, walked in, handed it to the guy with one inch stones IN his ear lobes, he goes in the back, comes back, hands us a BRAND NEW one with all stuff moved and out we walk.

Why is that Mall 752 miles long and I parked at the opposite end?

Why do I still hurt from working out, I have been doing it regularly now?

Why does that thing say “ugh” every time I step on it?

Why did the sun go away?

Why isn’t it May yet?

Why haven’t I showered yet and got on with doing something productive?

Why am I boring you peeps with this shit?

Tuesday Ramblings!!

2010-03-02T12:28:00.000-06:00

Ten Thoughts Huh? We shall see.

1. TEO and I have sort of become friends. He kicks my ass, I sweat, and then I shove him in a corner until the next day! And he sits there and stares at me with an evil stink eye.

2. I did run one whole mile yesterday!! Just started breathing again this morning.

3. Why do the dogs look at me funny while I am exercising? Guess I need to lock them in the other room as the snickering is giving me a complex.

4. The temps are warming up and I am going to get out and run some errands today. Going to do some wild things like go to the bank, dollar store, yanno…big time trips!

5. I can’t believe I lose ANOTHER hour of my life next week. DST is March 14 for us weirdos that change our clocks twice a year. I like it in the summer as I can be outside longer but then it is a bitch to get a kid to go to bed when school starts with the sun up.

6. Diet Lipton Green Tea with Mixed Berries is pretty darn good…and they say it’s good for me. No calories and no carbs…are they lying to me? But ummmm...I just looked at the bottle…it says tast best if drank before….November 2009! And I just bought it last week?!?!?

7. I can’t die now!! I have just two months until I go to the Heaven on Earth!

8. For those of you down in the mood department, may I suggest a 20 minute nap in a tanning bed? OMG can that change your mood.

9. My kid and his mood swings are gonna be the death of me. For a couple of days he will be and Angel and do everything he is asked and then for a couple of days I swear he will not see his 13th birthday!

10. Gregg is being weirdly nice and sweet lately. He is most of the time but lately he is just all lovey-dovey. Should I be worried? And I haven’t been all bitchy-twitchy lately. Should he be worried?

11. I AM SO DAMN GLAD THE OLYMPIC ARE OVER!!! I was running out of books to read to avoid them.

12. Seriously people, Kate Gosselin and Pamela Anderson on Dancing with the Stars?

There ya have it sports fans. So I can’t count.

A man was driving when he saw the flash of a traffic camera. He figured that his picture had been taken for exceeding the limit, even though he knew that he was not speeding...

Just to be sure, he went around the block and passed the same spot, driving even more slowly, but again the camera flashed.

Now he began to think that this was quite funny, so he drove even slower as he passed the area again, but the traffic camera again flashed.

He tried a fourth time with the same result. He did this a fifth time and was now laughing when the camera flashed as he rolled past, this time at a snail's pace...

Two weeks later, he got five tickets in the mail for driving without a seat belt.

You can't fix stupid.

A Doggone Good Day!!!

2010-02-24T07:47:00.000-06:00

The reason
a dog has so many friends is that he wags his tail instead of his
tongue.

-Michael Combs

There
is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face.

-Ben Williams

A dog is the only thing
on earth that loves you more than he loves himself.

-Peter Dorsett

The average
dog is a nicer person than the average person.

-Andy
Rooney

Anybody who
doesn't know what soap tastes like never washed a dog.

- Franklin P.
Jones

My dog is worried about the
economy because Alpo is up to $3.00 a can.

That's almost $21.00 in dog
money.

-Joe Weinstein

If you pick
up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you; that is
the principal difference between a dog and a man.

-Mark
Twain

Dogs are
not our whole life, but they make our lives whole.

-Roger
Caras

If you think dogs can't count,
try putting three dog biscuits in your pocket and then give him only two
of them.

-Phil
Pastoret

Enter At Your Own Risk!

2010-02-17T13:38:00.000-06:00

Ok, so I know it is only 12:50 but I am drinking a Bloody Mary!! Why, you ask! BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE A KIPPY HERE!!! Yesterday I decided to hook the router back up so I can be on the laptop in another room! Easy Peasy…been there, done that. I remember I had to call AT&T to have them bridge the modem. Well, it won’t work. Brainfart and remember I have a new modem! Ok, call the bastards.

On the phone the guy says they don’t bridge equipment that is not theirs. The modem is but not the router. He tells me 2nd tier tech support has to do that. Well, give me them. Nope, he wants to try some things. ONE HOUR later the fucktard tells me “I have to give you the 2nd tier! Will not repeat words said but I am sure my Momma is proud. Good thing I don’t kiss her with this mouth anymore!

I am on the phone with this 2nd guy and we are ON IT! About 10 minutes into it he says the router needs to be reset and I have to call Netgear. He even had the number for me.

Call Netgear! OMFG, I am so going to hurt someone! They say if I want them to fix THEIR shit, I have to pay $19.95 for their tech support!!!!!! I politely **cough**cough** tell Indiaman that he can take his stuff and put it up his ass and I promise to go on the Interwebz and write about everywhere I can!

I get on computer…NO FUCKING INTERNET!!!!

I am somewhat computer literate so I fix it. Get
Interwebz up and running. Or so I thought~

NO FUCKING EMAIL!
At this point I went to the bar and drank A LOT!!

Well, only because one of my really good friends that I haven’t seen in about a month was there and she is an IT person so I had to drill her head and get some help.
This morning…still no email. Mess around with it and guess what? Got email…..from last year!
18,643 emails coming in……Every email I have sent or received since last September…all coming back! I even got to read a few of your guys’ blogs before I knew you!
SOOOOOOOOOO I call AT&T! Forty-five minutes later, I hung up on the guy. It was either that or hurt someone.

Oh wait, I just looked back at email because I just have to let them come in and delete and we are over 20,000.
Andy at school, dogs at the Beauty Parlor, and Gregg is in the shower and is going to run some errands…BECAUSE HE IS SKEERED!!!!

He mumbled something about Looney bin, white jacket and meds...

I Have Friends In Crawl Spaces!

2010-02-17T09:32:00.000-06:00

We ALL know Karen is having a bad computer day. BTW...29,000 emails and growing. But anywho...I did finally start getting some from yesterday and today...and this is what one of my "friends" sent me:::

An Ugly Day

Just When You Thought You Were Having An Ugly Day!!!

Here you go...

Finally!!! The Answer

2010-02-12T02:13:00.000-06:00

Procrastination Be Thy Name

2010-02-06T03:57:00.000-06:00

Yep, I have more things than I need to do today and what am I doing? On here!

It FINALLY quit snowing but the blowing and the temps are NASTY! I do have a few errands I need to run today or tomorrow but am going to ask (con) Gregg into doing them. I have a full plate today as it is!

I put two pork tenderloins in the crock pot last night to make BBQ pulled pork for tomorrow! I can't wait! Waking up to the smell was awesome!

My list for the day in case anyone is bored and want to come help:

Clean carpets

Pull Pork

Clean bathroom, the BIG one

Do my laundry

Dust EVERYTHING

Mop all floors

Clean bed linens as I bought new quilt and all yesterday

Make cheese tray

Make relish tray

Take a nap

Unload dish washer

Replace ceiling fan with new one

Put old one in bedroom

Make kid clean his room

Ok, each one of you pick a chore and get over here! I have cake! I have liquor, beer, and wine! Oh, and champagne, too! And lots of it! Hell, I will go buy you a lobster tail and steak!

Last Night! And Clams!

2010-01-30T09:31:00.000-06:00

Last night was fantabulous and awesome! Will blog about it tomorrow as I am out again tonight for the final night of the bar! Sixty deviled eggs and one Cracker Barrel Casserole is done!

But this was in the paper this morning! And had to post it!!!

Hey Kippy!

2010-01-26T09:50:00.000-06:00

I wanna see you do THIS photo shoot!

Ten On Tuesday!

2009-10-06T11:50:00.000-05:00

1. I am already sick of this weather. I know it hasn’t even really started. I have never completely shut the air conditioner down but have the temp set at 77. Saturday was chilly and Sunday was okay but got warm in the house. Opened the windows and turned on the fans and all was good. Sitting here yesterday afternoon, the sir kicked on. Today, 55 degrees, rainy and cold!

2. Speaking of cold and food, which we do a lot around here, I got the new Food Network magazine and this was in there. Fifty easy soups. I am all about one pot meals and easy! If anybody tries any of them, please tell the rest of us. Not sure I like all 50 but I do see several of them in my winter future!

3. I need to step away from the eggs. We get a free dozen eggs every week and I hate wasting stuff but there is only so much I can do with them. Gregg will not touch an egg with a 10 foot pole. Andy likes them but not that often. I have been hard boiling them and eat 2 every morning for breakfast. They are protein and suppose to be good for ya!

4. I will have new pics of the poopies when their eyes open, which should be any day! Alphie still wants NOTHING to do with them.

5. I was quite happy to see Favre beat his old team on Monday! Shows you that old men still have it!

6. Do some of you really decorate for Fall? Seriously!?!? I do some things for Halloween but I do not have time to put dead leaves and dried corn all over the place. Then I would have to clean that crap up.

7. Made the last payment on my car FINALLY! Who is going to start the pool to see how soon I have to put some money into the thing. I had my last car paid off for over 6 months before my brother borrowed it. Six years ago! He was in a hard place and I had Tom’s truck until I made Ford chase me down for it. Then that left me with one car that was not for everyday driving. It was a Jag. I traded it for the Harley after he died. So I had to get a new one. I really love my car and do take care of it. Please stay with me a little longer. We have been through a lot together.

8. Umm…I need a secretary! I was supposed to go to therapy on Monday. Did I remember? Hell no! I hate having to call people and tell them I am an idiot. I hope I didn’t piss Stacy off!

9. I need to go Wally Worlding and run some errands but I hate going out in cold rain. Since I am such a great procrastinator, I will go tomorrow. Or not!

10. Well, I had several thoughts over the last few days and had it in my head until it was time to write them down. I guess I am done.

Hugs & Kizzes

Karen

Ten On Tuesday!

2009-09-29T07:10:00.001-05:00

Her she comes, just a spewing her thoughts! Doo Wah Diddy, Diddy Dum Diddy Do! Got that tune in your head now? Good, my work here is done!

Thoughts:

1. Why did I wake up with the urge to clean? WTF!?!? I NEVER get that urge. Maybe I am still sleeping and dreaming. Has to be that.

2. I think it is all of the crap piled up in this house since I have been so busy this summer and I always say “I will get to it later!” Or when I get around to it. Just what is a “round to it” and where can I get one?

3. Why do I have 70 paperbacks and over 200 hardback books? I never used to save paperbacks but somehow, someone has been piling them up in my laundry/library room. Would you please stop now? Thanks!

4. I listed all of the paperback on the paperback swap sight and got my first request last night. WhooHoo, that means I get a new book!! Ahh, Shaddup, I know, I need more. But…but…I have always been a voracious reader and just love the feel and smell of books. And I read everything. No specific genre here. I can go from self-help to romance to I killed the bastard and he deserved it!

5. I start my therapy on Monday with Stacy! Now I am skeered. That name could go either way on the gender thing. I swear if I get some skinny blonde perky thing, we aren’t going to get along. I will be force to take her a pork chop or something. Secretly hoping it is a he and we will get along fine. At least it is not Helga!

6. Why am I so unlucky? I enter at least 10 contests or sweepstakes everyday and have won 5 things. I am excited about this book that I won. (Oh hush, I know, it’s all about the books). But this one sounds intriguing. It is about dealing with kids with issues. Here is the book and I think I will give this to someone special on here when I am done because we are dealing with similar issues. Hint, hint down there Wildcat territory! That is if she wants it. I will do a review of it and let you know my feelings. But it is going to be autographed to me. Aren’t I special?

7. I HATE Fall. Ok, go ahead a Boo! I hate cold weather and the past 3 days have been cold and the wind is out of control. I have heavy iron furniture on the deck and it is blowing that around. And my poor fake tree I have on there looks like it is really losing its leaves. I need a beach, dammit! Hey, only 4 more months and I go again.

8. My grand-puppies are due any day! The dogs Mommy is driving me slightly more insane by calling me everyday to let me know that she is still waiting. Ok, I get it. I am SURE when she has them, you will call! I can birth babies but I know nuttin’ about birthin’ no puppies! Such a city girl, I am!

9. Think after I let this cleaning thing pass, I will do my nails. I got 5 new bottles of polish at the Festival for a dollar a bottle and I am going to try them out. Oh hush. I am somewhat girlie girl. Must have nice looking nails, I am weird about that. OCD much?

10. I actually “think” this weekend will be a quiet one. So far, nothing going on but maybe the cancelled bonfire from last Saturday but that is easy-peasey since it is about 2 miles from my house! Oh shit, just remembered it is Riley Days in Greenfield. And I am going on Friday. Another one of those Festival type things. Buy more stuff that will need dusted at some point in the future. Maybe I do want snow so I CAN’T leave the house! No, not really. A cooped up Karen is not a good Karen!

Ok, I got more but will stop so you can go get more coffee!

Maybe a funny?

HOW TO INSTALL THE HOME SECURITY SYSTEM

1. Go to a secondhand store and buy a pair of men's used size 14-16 work boots.

2. Place them on your front porch, along with a copy of Guns & Ammo Magazine

3. Put a few giant dog dishes next to the boots and magazines.

4. Leave a note on your door that reads:

"Bubba,

Bertha, Duke, Slim, & I went for more ammo and beer. Be back in an hour.
Don't mess with the pit bulls; they attacked the mailman this morning and messed him up bad. I don't think Killer took part, but it was hard to tell from all the blood. Anyway, I locked all four of 'em in the house.

Better wait outside. Be right back.

Cooter

Hugs & Kizzes

Karen

Monday, Again!

2009-09-28T11:01:00.001-05:00

Hey, guess what? It’s Monday! Sorry to have to tell you!

Well, my weekend ended up not being a vegetable but still calm, relaxing and nothing too exciting. Friday I was all set to just read and be NOBODY! I was totally seeing me in PJ’s all weekend. Oh hush, I can if I want to!

As I was fixing dinner Friday night, Connie called and asked if we were going to the Atlanta Earth Festival on Saturday! Uh Oh! Karen had a brain fart again. I have been going to this thing for well over 20 years and I had forgotten. Ok, yes, I still want to go. This festival, which is in Atlanta, Indiana not Georgia (people ask me that every time) and it is a big garage sale, arts & crafts, food vendors, junk sale type of thing. It takes over the entire town which is a population of around 500 if you count the sheep and cows! And I do mean it is the ENTIRE town. Normally you can walk from one end to the other in less than half an hour!

She picks me up around 8:30 in the morning and off we go. This place is in the area where I lived for over 16 years and I have her sneak in the back door of the town to avoid traffic. Yes, it is the only time of the year that they have a traffic jam. One of my bestest friends still live there and she is one of the first people I see. With life, this is about the only time I ever see her. Anywho, we walked around for a few hours, bought some stuff that will require dusting at some point in the future, looked at stuff we thought we would go back and get when we were leaving so we didn’t have to carry it, and was trying to decide what to eat first. Think fair food but cheaper and better. And then we went to the beer tent. Yep, they have one little bar in this town that seats 8 people and a small room with a pool table. They set up a tent outside and you can get a break form the sun (which we had none that day) and sit and rest your tired feet. We were good girls and had 2 beers and then back to the shopping. Well, it was around 2 pm by then and decided we needed to head home. And do you know that these two ditzy-ass broads forgot to get anything to eat. And I live for food like that. Doh!

We were supposed to go to a bonfire birthday thing Saturday night but it was cancelled because we had storms moving in. Yah, I don’t have to be nobody. We did end up meeting up with 4 of our friends and went out for a couple of hours. Home by 10 pm. I think I am getting old, dammit!

And I was forced to watch that PATHETIC Kentucky game. Marty, I wouldn’t tell anyone that you are from there any more. People may never stop laughing!

Sunday was a PJ day all the way. I am a weird female in that I LOVE to watch football on Sunday. And NASCAR. Hey, no judging. I am from Indiana after all! Worked on making some BBQ ribs and fresh corn on the cob and vegetated.

And the tension in this house can get rough on Sundays. Gregg is a Bears fan and I of course am a Colts fan. Thank God we weren’t together when the Colts beat their ass in the Super Bowl! I already get to taunt him about it but it would have been worse then.

Then the REAL football came on! I do love my Colts! And always have. No bandwagon fan here. I actually used to work at The Hoosier/RCA for the first 8 years they were here, in the suites, getting the rich bastards drunk and them giving me money. There ya are, judging again!

That, my friends, was a good game. I have never been a Warner fan I did so love watching his pathetic playing. Yes, I do yell at the TV just like the men. And have scratched my balls while doing so. And I burp out loud if I happen to be drinking a beer. Judge away, I am used to it!

So, the weekend did turn out quiet, restful and relaxing!

Monday morning, the freaking jack hammer and backhoe are back. But the guy and the kid are gone so...heehee, life is good.

Hope you all have as great week. Not much this week except I have to start going to therapy this week. No, you silly’s, arm therapy as it is not healing the way he or I want. He wants to try this first before does any shots (WTF!!!!) or worse, more surgery! Therapy, here I come. Hope I get a young, hot, and studly therapist. My luck, I am gonna get Helga!

Hugs & Kizzes

Karen

My Weekend!

2009-09-24T14:42:00.000-05:00

Ok, I really am gonna blog now. Seriously! And it will be long! As I sit here having a nice breakfast of two hard-boiled eggs and a small sliced tomato, I “think” I am finally caught up on all of you! If I did not comment, please don’t be upset. I read everything but if I had nothing to add to what had already been said, I didn’t want to be redundant.

I think for Christmas I will send Kippy a pet shark, Sandi a nice Schick razor, Marty some new jeans in a much smaller size, BTC my address to mail me some of that bread and a big stick to smack the stooped out of the dippy duo, Patti a paint brush and easel, Kat is a big “L” sign to hand to her neighbors in town, Blondie gets a bottle of wine from the winery (or two) that I visited, Terry get a nice warm sweater for the cold months coming, Erin gets a “Newman” radar, Silver Eagle could use a vacation from stooped, Chip get a manicure set and a subscription to Proactive, Catherine gets a book of Mike’s carwash tickets, and Barbara gets a big hug for all she is going through. If I missed anyone, please forgive me for I am old and tired.

Now, as for the weekend…OMG did we have fun! The weather the entire weekend was Gorgeous! Temps were in the high 70’s to the low 80’s! We did have 6 people that canceled so the group was down to 16 but still worked out VERY nice! Thursday, for once in my life, everything went right according to the plan. We got up and got all of our stuff packed and loaded, waited for Andy to get home, sent him of to my Seester’s and we hit the road at 4:00 and we were there at 5:20! Ok, yes, I drove and there is a stretch of I65 that has a “suggested” speed of 70 but I think it is only a suggestion as I was able to go about 80-85 and stay with traffic!

My BFF and her Hubby were coming down that day too so we just chilled that night and sat outside for a while having a few beers. This is the view from our room:

Friday is when the rest were coming down at various times. The four of us went into Little Nashville to do some shopping and “stuff”. The guys, of course, got tired of shopping and hit the local pub and parked their butts there and we just brought our packages back to them to watch it. Connie and I found one of the wineries (imagine that) and we tried five new wines and decided to get a bottle and sit on their back deck and enjoy. We got a really nice semi-sweet red wine and some Havarti cheese and some Rosemary crackers and just TOTALLY enjoyed! Can you say spoiled?

By this time, people were rolling in so we had to head back which is only less than a mile. We had planned a big cookout behind the hotel so we whipped out the grill, burger, dogs, and all kind of other stuff. We had candles all around our little site and it was just perfect! It got a little chilly in the evening but all you had to put on was a sweatshirt or light jacket and it was great. We stayed out there for awhile and chillaxed. Per usual, the male species always get tired before the girls so off to bed they went. Well, to be fair, some of the girls went to bed too! But not us diehards. We even went for a walk around the parking lot and talked to the cows and thought about a small cow tipping event but we think the fence was electric and we are not quite that stupid. Well, one did put their foot on it but the rest of us were busy peeing our pants from laughter.

Saturday, whew, I can’t even begin to describe what a great day! We shopped more, I bought 3 bottles of wine from another winery, and we ate. But the real treat was the Outhouse Races! No, we did not plan our trip around them, it just happens to be the weekend we were there. But, OMG, did I laugh! In the second part, there is only one entry that I did not see but it had three wheels and since it was the only one, of course they won! Now the testosterone is flowing through the males of our group and I shit you not (pun intended), they have already started designing one for next year. And that is where they are thinking a two-holer and all of this stuff! I will keep you posted as it goes.

That night we ran around to our usual suspected places and had a blast. The little bar that is right behind the hotel had its’ re-opening night that night so all we had to do is crawl across the parking lot. Fifteen of us walk in and there were only two people in there. Well, we are a party all by ourselves and the owner was just thrilled. I had talked to her about 2 weeks before we left to see if she would be open and, Damn if that women didn’t speed up so we could come in! That is where this picture was taken:

We are missing three because Connie’s Hubby is having health issues and wasn’t feeling well and the other two went to bed. Sorry, but they are the one couple that we don’t really like so much but we are morally obligates to invite them. They CAN be nice people but he bitches about everything! For example, he didn’t wan to go to the hotels ice machine to get ice so he went across the street to store and then BITCHED because it cost him $4 for a big bag! And this went on all weekend. Thank God they are early to bed type people or we might have had a body to hide!

Sunday we wake up to rain. But that was fine because we were all heading home anyway! So, that is a small dose of the weekend. I came home with sore jaws and ribs from the laughter and fun. And I can’t wait to do it again next year.
And who would think that 5 grown adult (drunk) women could get a call from the office to shut up AFTER we had gone to bed?!?!?

Tomorrow, the story of the computer that shut me out of my world for a few days! And something great that I won!

Hugs & Kizzes
Karen

Tuesday Thoughts

2009-09-15T11:20:00.002-05:00

My thoughts, hmmm…they are everywhere today!

1. Sleep has returned to a semi-normal way. I am back to getting at least 4-5 hours a night which is way better than 45 minutes. I think it was thyroid related because I upped the meds and it got better.

2. Gregg is on vacation this week and thinks he needs to be all up in my ass all of the time. He is finally outside mowing the yard and I can breath. Love ya baby, but GO DO SOMETHING!

3. Planning a weekend for 22 people can drive a person crazier than they already are! Let’s see if you can get this: Thursday – 2 couples, Friday – 8 couples, and Saturday 11 couples! Saturday we are renting a guy with a school bus to drive us around so nobody is drinking and driving. Finding a place that can seat 22 people on Saturday night for dinner. Getting all of the crap together with all of the above people to have a cook-out at the hotel on Friday. Four of the men in said group have massive amounts of testosterone coursing through their veins and just can’t possibly KISS because everything has to be LARGE! Trying to just have burgers and dogs is so much more complicated with these men!

4. I am going to enjoy this weekend even if I have to hide a few bodies, ‘nuf said!

5. Got all of the babysitters situated. One for the kid and one for the dog.

6. I do think it is very sad that Patrick Swayze has died but at least he is in peace now. I have wanted to take up pottery every since I first saw Ghost! And I cry VERY time I watch it!

7. I can’t believe they are taking the one soap opera that I like off of the air after 70+ years. I have watch Guilding Light for over 30 years! And the freaking finale is on Friday and I will be in Nashville. Shopping. Or at the winery. Or shopping. Or at the winery!

8. This damn driveway work they are doing around here is getting quite old! Either today or tomorrow, it will be my turn and it sucks because you can’t even get down the street with the damn big ass dumpster and all of their trucks as it is. Now I am going to have to park in my yard for about 3 days. Thinking about asking them if they could wait until Friday to do ours as we will be gone and they still have three by me to do and could just back up and do me! See, always thinking here!

9. I am sick of tomatoes. Seriously! I have done everything I can with them and they just keep multiplying. And now I have 6 zucchini growing so that will be my next nightmare. But I love zucchini bread and that stuff freezes really good so no biggie there. Oh, and we have 3 watermelon growing! Green beans are dying out but they were damn good this year and I did get some froze for the winter.

10. Our puppies will be here in 3-4 weeks. Trying to decide if I should keep the pup that I get or do I sell it. Knowing me, I will fall in love with the little sucker and want to keep it. Buttttt…people have been telling me that there will be territorial issues if I get a male and if I get a female, I will have to have both of them fixed. I is so confused!

11. Dammit, showing parts of Ghost on TV right now! And the interview that Barbara Walters did and he is crying. Shit, now I’m gonna cry!

Ok, that is enough of my brain for now. This is cute and I have to share:
A Sheriff in a small town in Texas walks out in the street and sees a blond haired cowboy coming toward him with nothing on but his cowboy hat, his gun and his boots. He arrests him for indecent exposure.As he is locking him up, he asks 'Why in the world are you walking around like this?'The cowboy says, 'Well it's like this Sheriff .... I was in this bar down the road and this pretty little red head asks me to go out to her motor home with her. So I did. We go inside and she pulls off her top and asks me to pull off my shirt... So I did.Then she pulls off her skirt and asks me to pull off my pants... So I did. Then she pulls off her panties and asks me to pull off my shorts...so I did. Then she gets on the bed and looks at me kind of sexy and says, 'Now go to town cowboy...

‘'And here I am.'

Son of a Gun. Blonde Men do exist

Hugs & Kizzes
Karen

Dear So and So!!

2009-08-22T14:24:00.003-05:00

Ok, kids, it’s that time of the week! Yep, Dear so & So! Hold on, this could leave a mark!

Dear School,
I absolutely love you! I know some of my friends have been dreading that day as their youngster is going off to the first day and I so remember those! But seeing as this is my third child and this is his 8th year…can I buy you chocolate…or a beer…cuz I do know that kid and you are definitely gonna need it! Why do you think I have bought stock in wine?
Luv Ya!
Have a Good Day and Behave

Dear Alphie,
Yes, you are a good, yes you really are, yes, yes you are. Now quit shitting on the floor EVERY DAMN TIME I walk out of the door! I walk you and walk you and what do I get in return? Tootsie rolls on the floor if I even run to the store and back! Well, revenge is mine! See that little crate over there? Momma went to the evil Wally World and bought that for you today! Yep, shit where you sleep, not where I step!
Thanks!
Can’t look at tootsie rolls anymore

Dear Bill Collectors,
Ok, we have been playing this game for over 6 years now! You continually call here for Tom. I keep telling you that you are calling the wrong number. You need to look up and start talking because that is the only way you are going to get him on the line! He is dead, you assholes! I have sent you death certificates over and over and over! My name is not on those bills and the estate has been closed. Now go to Hell or I will help send you! Yes, I know I was his wife as I happen to be there at the time I made that commitment and I was there when he died, trust me on this! He is not going to pay you, really, seriously, he is not. Nor am I! You are turning this into fun for me as I am sure I have made a few of you either pee your pants or cry, or both! See, when you mess with an insane widow, you get what you get!
You don’t have to always do your job,
1-800-Call-God

Dear Daughter,
Thanks for putting it all over MySpace that you have, and I quote “The worst fucking parents in the world!” You can what you want about the sperm donor dude but I did not deserve that. Yes, I apologized for missing my grand daughters 1st B-day! One, you did not have a party or if you did, you did not invite me! Two, I was out of town having FUN for a change and did not remember. Three, I called you the very next morning and you would not talk to me. Four, She is only ONE YEAR OLD!! I PROMISE she will never remember that she did not hear my voice on that day!
That just bites after all that I have done for you that your “father” refused! Let’s just start with last Christmas! I spent over $400 on you, your 2 kids, and that loser of a boyfriend you have. Yes, I even bought him gifts so as not to feel left out! What did I get? A Fucking box of chocolate covered cherries! Whoopp-dee-fucking-doo!

Let’s not even go into the fact of all of the other times I have gave you money and such things like letting you and another loser live in my house! Or lest we forget that I took care of YOUR son for 45 days while you were in jail for being an idiot! Yep, I am the worst parent...And you know how people call you little bitch...well, you just pissed of Big Bitch and you know how that rolls! Just sayin’

‘Nuff Said,
Not getting parent of the year award

Ok, so that is that! Rant over and I don’t feel better but I can handle it. So, now off to do something creative or destructive. Or go blog lurking. Who knows?

Male or Female:::

FREEZER BAGS: They are male, because they hold everything in...but you can see right through them.

PHOTOCOPIERS: These are female, because once turned off...it takes a while to warm them up again.

They are an effective reproductive device if the right buttons are pushed...but can also wreak havoc if you push the wrong Buttons.
TIRES: Tires are male, because they go bald easily and are often over inflated

HOT AIR BALLOONS: Also a male object.... because to get them to go anywhere...you have to light a fire under their butt.

SPONGES: These are female...because they are soft.....squeezable and retain water.

WEB PAGES:
Female...because they're constantly being looked at and frequently getting hit on.

TRAINS: Definitely male... because they always use the same old lines for picking up people.

EGG TIMERS: Egg timers are female because...over time...all the weight shifts to the bottom.

HAMMERS: Male... because in the last 5000 years.....they've hardly changed at all...and are occasionally handy to have around.

THE REMOTE CONTROL: Female. Ha! You probably thought it would be male...but consider this: It easily gives a man pleasure, he'd be lost without it...and while he doesn't always know which buttons to push...he just keeps trying

Hugs & Kizzes,
Karen

My BFF Tried to Kill Me!!

2009-08-20T09:39:00.002-05:00

Good Morning to you! Well, it is sorta good here since the house is all quiet thanks to that lovely school bus taking my child away for 8 hours a day.

Today’s blog is about last weekend since a new one is upon us!

So, my weekend! Whew, I gotta remember that I am not as young as I think I am. Connie (my BFF) and I had talked and decided to go to the fair on Friday after I did the doctor. So I call her when I am done and she, in all of her wonderful brilliance, says “How about I kidnap you for the day!” We do this once ina while where we spend the night at each others house and catch up on each others lives. Ok, cool, I can use a day off! So she comes into town, grabs me and off we go! We go to the VFW in her town which is about 20 minutes from me! They LOVE me there. No idea why but they do! I walk in and you would think had been gone for years. It is so nice to get that feeling from them. Plus, as they say, we can’t wait to see what you girls do next! Well, beer started flowing…and flowing..and flowing! We got to her house about 11 that night! Stay up talking and a few White Russians later, we finally go to bed. Ok, Saturday I am to go to the Annual Cookout at the VFW here. We get up, have coffee……and Bloody Mary’s! Then Margaritas…see where this is going? Ummm…I made it to where I was suppose to go…..at 5:30 that night! BUTTTTT…..With a note from Mom to explain why I was late:

Gregg and I hung out for a while and finally went home and sat out on the porch letting the skeeters chew on me for a while!

Needless to say, Sunday I felt like a bucket of fuck! Oh, Lord, what have I done to myself? And you know you are not smart and will do it again one of these days! And did anybody have sympathy for me? Hell No! I just got laughed at all day! And I got over it so there! Nothing like a day of moving from the computer to the bed and back. And darling Gregg did make Spaghetti for dinner so I had no cooking to do. Which was good because food was not what my stomach was wanting so much. But I hadn’t ate since Thursday so I did eat some and it was good.

Tuesday was a great day! Andy went off to school and I did the Happy Dance while the dog just looked at me with that look and life was good!

This week has been pretty uneventful until this morning but I will blog about that tomorrow as it just pisses me off to no end and I don’t want to ruin a happy blog with finally figuring out why some species eat their young!

This weekend is gonna be slightly busy as we have approximately 500 pound of tomatoes in the garden that I am going to have to do something with besides throw them at the cars passing by!

Can you believe Marty and Rick have been married for 15 years and that still actually LIKE each other. Miracles do happen! If I was still with my cheating ex husband, this year would have been our 25th! Naw, prolly not, I would have killed him by now!

Here is your funny for the day:

RETARDED GRANDPARENTS - (this was actually reported by a teacher)

After Christmas, a teacher asked her young pupils how they spent their holiday away from school.

One child wrote the following:

We always used to spend the holidays with Grandma and Grandpa. They used to live in a big brick house but Grandpa got retarded and they moved to Florida .. Now they live in a tin box and have rocks painted green to look like grass. They ride around on their bicycles and wear name tags because they don't know who they are anymore.

They go to a building called a wreck center, but they must have got it fixed because it is all okay now, they do exercises there, but they don't do them very well.

There is a swimming pool too, but they all jump up and down in it with hats on.

At their gate, there is a doll house with a little old man sitting in it. He watches all day so nobody can escape. Sometimes they sneak out, and go cruising in their golf carts. Nobody there cooks, they just eat out. And, they eat the same thing every night --- early birds. Some of the people can't get out past the man in the doll house. The ones who do get out, bring food back to the wrecked center for pot luck.

My Grandma says that Grandpa worked all his life to earn his retardment and says I should work hard so I can be retarded someday too. When I earn my retardment, I want to be the man in the doll house. Then I will let people out, so they can visit their grandchildren.

PRICELESS !!!

Hugs & Kizzes

Karen